Against my better judgment I'm going to do a thread on how to know when the age gap IS a red flag, (bc as I have said repeatedly it is not an inherently predatory thing). I am speaking both as someone who has almost exclusively dated older and also has professional DV training:

I'm speaking to the younger partner here.
1. Are you an adult? If you are under 18, anyone who violates the 'half your age plus 7' rule is a guaranteed creep.

And while I think there are some situations where a 20 yo + 17 yo dating could be ethically ok, it may not be legal.

2. Where do you meet?
Was this person somewhere they shouldn't be (college bar, chatroom for a fandom where most everyone is under 20, etc.)? If you met organically, were they in a position of power over you? If yes, leave now.

3. How do they talk about your age gap?
Do they mention it occasionally to acknowledge your differing life experiences and maybe joke about the references you don't get? Ok. Do they bring it up CONSTANTLY or NEVER? Get out!

4. How old were their previous partners?
Do they exclusively or mostly date much younger people? I'm sorry but leave.

5. Are there other red flags?
Do they insult you? Do they try to isolate you? Do they attempt to monitor your communications or constantly ask you to check in? Have they attempted to sexually coerce you? Pry you with alcohol or drugs? RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK

This is not an exhaustive list and I appreciate the feedback from others with personal and/or professional experience!

And just to be clear: someone who passes all these tests might still end up being abusive! Heck, the younger partner might end up being abusive (this happened to my friend). There is no 100% guarantee. That said, hopefully this will add some clarify to the discourse.