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I have a (what appears to be) not-so progressive take on high age-gap relationships.
*Table stakes: I am talking of cases where the threshold of consent has been passed. If one party is below the age of consent, while the other isn't, there shouldn't be a relationship. End of*
*Table stakes: I am talking of cases where the threshold of consent has been passed. If one party is below the age of consent, while the other isn't, there shouldn't be a relationship. End of*
When there are large age gaps in relationships and both parties are above the age of consent, I don't think it is immediately apparent that the relationship is always predatory or harmful.
I don't know what the ideal difference is, if there is one.
I don't know what the ideal difference is, if there is one.
People have their own ick factors.
Pop culture says: Half the older partner's age + 7 is the minimum. So if you're 40, 27 is the youngest you can date. If you're 30, 22 is the youngest you can date.
A more scientific approach might use longevity of marriages as a metric.
Pop culture says: Half the older partner's age + 7 is the minimum. So if you're 40, 27 is the youngest you can date. If you're 30, 22 is the youngest you can date.
A more scientific approach might use longevity of marriages as a metric.
Couples with a 1-year gap have a 3% chance of divorcing. 5 years, 18%, 10 years, 39%, and 20 years, 95%.
Of course, there might be a confounding variable and those likely to pick higher gaps are likely to divorce and the gap doesn't cause the divorce.
Or sampling size problems
Of course, there might be a confounding variable and those likely to pick higher gaps are likely to divorce and the gap doesn't cause the divorce.
Or sampling size problems
Looking at that, 1 year gap seems ideal.
But those are aggregate numbers. Your mileage might vary.
When we consider the aversion to certain age disparities even when both parties are above the age of consent, the argument is often about power.
Not sure I accept this wholly.
But those are aggregate numbers. Your mileage might vary.
When we consider the aversion to certain age disparities even when both parties are above the age of consent, the argument is often about power.
Not sure I accept this wholly.
Look, I understand that the mere existence of power-imbalance can lead to its abuse. But I do not believe that the mere potential of power abuse is sufficient to preclude the existence of these "May-December relationships".
My thinking is this - Power differentials exist, for different reasons. There might be partner disparities in dimensions of wealth & social status, intellect, beauty or age. It is not obvious to me that we should always warn against relationships where a differential exists
It is not clear to me that a rich person shouldn't date a poor person even though they can use their money to manipulate their partner
It is not clear that a smart person shouldn't date a less smart person even though a smarter person can more effectively gaslight & manipulate
It is not clear that a smart person shouldn't date a less smart person even though a smarter person can more effectively gaslight & manipulate
It is not clear to me that a good looking person shouldn't date an ugly person (Of course, a more beautiful person can make the unprepossessing partner feel "lucky to be in the relationship")
or (in this relevant case) an older person can't date a younger person.
or (in this relevant case) an older person can't date a younger person.
We should not ex-ante proscribe the relationships with power differentials. Instead, we should castigate them ex-post.
We should frown on those relationships where those power differentials are *actually* being used to nefarious ends.
We should frown on those relationships where those power differentials are *actually* being used to nefarious ends.
This is important because some power differentials are not static - they may not exist in the beginning of the relationship, but they may begin to exist after the relationship has commenced. We should push for a response that addresses power differentials whenever they ensue
And I think actual instance of misuse is a better measure than "potential for misuse".
If my thinking is wrong, let me know why.
If my thinking is wrong, let me know why.
