My therapist and I spoke about the weird "survivor's guilt" that comes with doing well when the whole world seems to be falling apart.

I didn’t want to get into it because I want to be respectful of where people are.

But in short— it kind of felt like I was that dog in this meme. I wondered if I was doing okay or if I was in some sort of advance stage of denial and avoidance.

The world is on fire and I’m doing well? Personally and professionally, I couldn’t be better.
She reminded me that it is hard fought and hard won.
The world is on fire and I became a firefighter. It’s helpful to the people around me. My family doesn’t have to worry about me.

For a long time, my guilt was about how everyone has to take care of me. I’m in a position now to help take care of those who have spent two decades terrified for me.
They need the support now because THE WORLD IS ON FIRE.

Also, a lot of the survival skills I picked up while in crisis are helpful now.
It’s a lot more complicated but I don’t want to get all the way into it.

I’m just mindful of how I can take care of myself and how I choose what to take on. In the past, I would have joined the fire or set myself aflame to warm others.

It’s a different space and it didn’t start six months ago. It’s been an ongoing process.

I didn’t gain strength from the downfall of the planet. Which, I think, my brain was trying to say and I had to shut that down.

That’s basically it.

Also there’s like an environmental depression/grief that we are all experiencing and that’s hard. It also confuses those of us who are predisposed to depression AND those who never have before.

That’s an entirely different conversation.

So @CiCiAdams_ said it far more eloquently than I did.

Read this, please. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/17/smarter-living/coronavirus-feeling-ok.html

Let me just mute.
Thousands of positives and the few insensitive just get under my skin.
Thank you for those who understood and shared. Please read @CiCiAdams_ article.