I don't know how much longer I can keep surviving for. I wouldn't wish for anyone to experience my mental struggles. I just want a pain free death because I'm always so tired and I just want it all to stop

I can't deal with this twin flame connection alone. I've been through too much as it is and it's too overwhelming for me

The annoying thing is walking away from people that don't care about me is easy for me, but with your twin flame you can't walk away from them. This connection is just another bad experience life decided to put me through

I can't see Dani messaging me and I don't like pestering her with messages about this. She doesn't know me in person, I'm a nobody to her and if she wanted to give me a chance, she would've done it already instead of allowing me to suffer alone

She thinks about me and my situation because she makes posts that are indirectly over the thought of me. For all I know she might check my Twitter from time to time, too. She's too curious to know what people are saying about her

She used to check Guru Gossip to see what her haters would say even if their comments got to her. No idea if she still does, but if she makes posts that are clearly over the thought of me, it wouldn't surprise me if she does check on me sometimes

This post for example. She clearly made it over the thought of me because she mentioned soulmate and 11:11 in a comment to herself. The last time I messaged her was over 2 weeks ago, so it wasn't my message that made her think of me. She didn't need to make this post

And she uses the word soulmate because she's making public posts. Not many people know what a twin flame is and if she said twin flame, it would be obvious that she has me on her mind... even though it already is obvious

Unless someone else has messaged her that I'm unaware of around the time she made that post, it's clear that she thinks about me and my situation. But even still, I know she believes me... she just has a hard time admitting she believes me to herself

For example, when I first told her I meant twin flames in August 2019 and provided more evidence to back me up, she made this retweet a few weeks after about soulmates. She used to say multiple times she doesn't believe in soulmates

She also made this retweet about 11:11 not even knowing 11:11 is a twin flame number (at the time) not long after she made that soulmate retweet. And she's made another post (on IG) about 11:11 after I sent her another DM in July 2020

And after I sent her the DM about twin flames in August 2019, I didn't send her another DM until June 2020, so about 10 months. This is what she posted about soulmates the month before I DM'd her again about my situation

So 10 months of me not saying anything and she clearly questions her doubts. For someone who was so stern on soulmates not existing, she has no need to doubt herself after I mention twin flames to her... unless a part of her believes me that is

And if she doesn't believe me, why does she make posts like this? I'm just some stranger to her, so why has me mentioning twin flames and providing the proof I can made her question herself?

I can make an assumption of what her thoughts are on my situation because I'm analytical and a good judge of character. So I reckon she believes me more than she shows and more than she tells herself and that's the reason she has her doubts

She probably checks on me from time to time (no idea how often) just to see what I have to say. As she's also an empath, she probably feels bad that I'm suffering knowing that she's the person who can make my situation a whole lot easier and less lonely

Maybe she beats herself up over it telling herself she's a bad person because she knows what I'm going through yet still leaves me in the dark. When I first opened up to her, had no evidence to back myself up and didn't know about twin flames, she said she felt unsafe and scared

I was a stranger who proclaimed her as my soulmate, and that's a bit creepy and weird isn't it. I kept saying it's something you just know, but being a stranger I ruined my reputation. That's why I didn't message her again until I found out about twin flames

She said if I continued to message her about her being my soulmate, she was going to block me (this was 2019). But ever since I told her about twin flames and I had proof, she didn't feel a need to anymore - she knows she has no reason to feel unsafe or scared

My messages weren't intimidating in any way and I apologised for making her feel that way. But I've continued to message her with the right label this time (I try to space it out because I hate pestering someone) and she's never blocked me. Why's that?

You could say she hasn't blocked me in case it makes my mental health worse, but why would she have made all those posts above if no part of her believed me? If she does beat herself up a little over my suffering, why if I'm just some "creepy delusional obsessive fan"?

You wouldn't. You might feel bad for the person, but you wouldn't feel responsible. If no one did message her, she must've checked on me when she made that post last week and that's what someone who feels responsible would do

If I was just obsessive, I'd be romanticising this connection as if she's the one like some Romeo & Juliet love story... I ain't doing that. I'm talking about how painful this connection is, how I hate how I can't stop thinking of someone that ignores me

How she hasn't tried to reach out and try to understand me and so on. I think it's easy to tell I'm not obsessive because I wouldn't be getting frustrated and having dark thoughts over this person if I was trying to romanticise them

I wouldn't be like, "I hate this connection and how the divine masculine ignores the divine feminine! I wish I didn't have a twin flame if it causes me this much pain!". That's some weird ass obsession if you ask me... over a person I haven't met, too

She's my twin flame. I didn't choose for her to be my twin flame, we just are each other's twin flame. I ain't choosing to have thoughts about her, I ain't choosing to suffer over the thought of her and this connection, it's just something out of my control

And that's where the frustration comes from because this isn't like me. I get more frustrated because this isn't like me if anything, but I just can't avoid her energy; it's like we're eternally attached with an invisible cord that can't be cut

Anyway, this thread is a bit jumbled up. I wanted to vent my thoughts, but I wasn't able to get my points across the right way. They're out now though, so... And I'm probably gonna delete this at some point because I wrote it so badly