i carried with me into 5780 the hope that by now i would have a Jewish community in which i felt welcome, to experience the High Holy Days with. after all these years that hope has become too heavy to carry. if i want to move forward into the new year, i have to leave it behind.

to everyone else who was isolated from Jewish community even before the pandemic and doesn't see that changing any time soon, i see you and i know it hurts.

i may no longer hope to find an existing community that wants us, but i believe we can build our own communities that do. and many amazing people are already doing that work.

in 5781 my hope is, instead, to join that work in earnest.

i am trying to hold the balance between grief for lack of access to accessible in person community, with gratitude for having amazing friends who make me feel connected to a form of Jewish community that is also very real and powerful.

exclusion from in person community hurts. AND,

@nonstandardrep & @WordNerdKnitter & @awbrainno & all of you here & in my local circles make me feel more connected than i ever have before, as does the amazing work of @xaihowareyou (thank you for your podcast and Shel Maala!!)