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a non-comprehensive list of men that i've met in my 7 years of university education: a thread
THE FIRST YEAR ATTORNEY: this man wore a suit for his first day of law school. speaks in incomprehensible legalese 90% of the time. his law school education is his entire personality. will speak incorrect latin every other sentence.
THE MISOGYNISTIC GAY MAN: makes sure you know that he's so fucking gay, he was born from a c-section so he wouldn't come even close to a vagina. thinks his sexual orientation allows him to inappropiately touch women.
THE FREE-LOVE ACTIVIST: is seeing at least 8 women at the same time at any given moment. walks around with a poetry book under his arm. thinks monogamy is a product of the patriarchy and will run away at the first request for emotional responsibility.
THE PHILOSOPHER: this man derives his entire personality from the fact no one gets what the fuck he's talking about. sours the entire gc's mood quoting philosophers you've never heard about. probably keeps a photo of hegel under his pillow and kisses it goodnight.
THE MUSICIAN: this man's guitar is fused to the skin of his hands. he NEVER stops playing, even when you're already listening to something else. will try to woo you with one of his original songs (that are always the same the smiths songs with a "twist")
THE CLOSETED CONSERVATIVE: this man goes around campus preaching the world of god and doing work for whatever wretched conservative candidate is hype at the moment. he hates gays, women and poc, but everyone knows he and the misogynistic gay share a torrid love affair.
THE MARXIST: this man would fuck karl marx himself if it were possible. thinks LGBTQ+, feminist and Black activism is a distraction from the real issue: class struggle. this means that when his buddy harrasses a woman, this man will 110% of the time cover for his comrade.
THE GHOST: you know this man goes to your class. you know he's around campus somewhere. unexplicably always has good grades, but you can never catch him. to summon him you must place 7 beers in line on top of a billiard's table.
THE SEX POSITIVE GURU: often is also the free-love activist. loves to talk about sex, to the point where he has to make any innocent convo into a dirty innuendo. has no idea where is the clit.
THE NICE GUY: this man will study with you, play videogames with you, go shopping with you, share secrets with you, say that of course men and women can be friends, but as soon as you tell him you're not interested, this man will call you every variation of "whore" under the sun
THE PETER PAN: this man graduated 5 centuries ago but refuses to accept that he has to grow the fuck up. hits on women 1 or 2 decades younger and is an expert on grooming. says you're too mature for your age, which says a lot for his own maturity.
HE CHOSE TO WAIT: this is a man of GOD. has no time for earthly pleasures. has never drank a sip of alcohol in his life, unless it's communion wine. has never kissed anyone and hearing the word sex makes him cross himself. has a secret priest kink.
THE ABSENT FATHER: this man has a child with a woman who, for all intents and purposes, is a solo mother. picks the kid up every other weekend to impress whatever girl he's trying to get it on with. his insta only has pics of his child, but he refuses to pay child support.
THE CREEPY PROFESSOR: all women on campus know about him. he's a tenured professor, which makes him comfortable to ogle at your butt whenever you have to leave the classroom. makes inappropriate jokes and evading his hands is like getting away from an octopus.
THE GAMER: this man plays games, lives games, breathes games, and shits on "fake gamer girls" who often enough know more about gaming than he does. you must prove to him that you are worthy of even being interested in a game by answering his foot-long list of questions.
THE NATURAL ODOR ACTIVIST: you wish this man would just shower already. please. for the love of god.
THE LEGACY KID: you often find yourself wondering how come they let a man without a single braincell to rub against one another into a prestigious university. then you meet his father and everything makes perfect sense.
THE POVERTY COSPLAYER: you wonder if this man knows shirts without holes exist. wears flipflops everywhere. likes to talk about class and poverty, and when he's done talking your ear off, he bikes back to his 6-bedroom condo in the most expensive part of town.
THE MANSPLAINER: you have the same major. you attend the same classes. more often than not, you have better grades. yet this man will explain your own degree to you a thousand times, and will call you a bitch if you say something along the lines of "dude i know"
ALL THE OTHER KIDS WITH THE PUMPED UP KICKS: this man has threatened to kill at least six people, but for reasons beyond your comprehension, he was never expelled. this man will plant a bomb in your campus one day. you know it.
THE JOCK: at this point you worry if this man actually attends any classes at all. seems to attend every single sport's match and party available under the sun. where is he getting this money? this time? this man has a liver of steel. you'll never get it.
THE RICH KID: this kid open his macbook megaproair in class, looks at the time on his rolex watch, and spends the lecture looking for upgrades for his BMW or mercedes. it is important for him that you know that he is rich and his father will hear about this.
