Final Thread on “Stay out of Women’s Business”:

Here, I will collect all my thoughts in one place to educate and as a final response to the harassment and deliberate misrepresentation I’ve endured over the past few days (and each time this topic has come up over the past year.)

First, this is a BLACK cultural matter dealing in AAVE, so non-Black people need to tread carefully.

(And let me preemptively tell you that this statement is not comparable to “stay out of women’s business. Race and gender are not interchangeable.)

Now moving on:

FOR SEVERAL MONTHS, I/we have talked about how "Stay out of Women's business" is homophobic, transphobic, AND misogynist. I've discussed how it's been weaponized, how it polices gender, & how it enforces patriarchy, etc.

And each time, people gaslighted, deflected and dismissed.

This conversation was not born yesterday. This phrase was not born yesterday. Neither Nene Leakes nor Megan thee Stallion invented it (although they both have histories of homophobia and internalized misogyny which are even present in the phrase and in their usage of it).

“Stay out of Women’s business” is a phrase that Black AMAB Queer & Trans people are familiar with bc we grew up as little Black boys hearing it from people to justify the violent suppression of our innate divergent femininity for generations.

It was born from bigotry and abuse.

I am fully aware of the new feminist context in which it is often used in certain sections of Twitter. I understand how a lot of you use it to rebut men who engage in misogyny, men who disparage women, men who seek to control women, etc.; HOWEVER,...

Since Stan Twitter (notorious cultural thieves that they are) discovered it, it’s taken on a pop culture life of its own and has moved back to its original meaning.

Bottom line:
It is a deeply triggering phrase which CANNOT BE DIVORCED FROM ITS ORIGINS of patriarchal violence.

Pointing out this history and having it dismissed (particularly as "buzzwords" or as a weapon to silence women and defend/excuse misogyny) by people who claim to understand that intent does not equal impact is the height of hypocrisy and the epitome of gaslighting.

We are not crazy. We are not making this up. This is real, but your ego can't handle admitting your hypocrisy and INTENTIONAL complicity with bigotry. Fuck the context. THE IMPACT still affects LGBTQ Fems (and ironically, it affects YOU too), no matter who you're saying it to.

Ppl defend this phrase by citing the misogyny of men (whether cis, het, gay, trans, etc.) I saw the disgusting tweets this weekend in which a gay man justified hypothetical violent reactions to homophobic women. I saw what preceded it, and I saw what happened after.

I saw how people latched on to one gay man’s violent misogynistic tweets to dismiss claims of homophobia and justify their continued use of the phrase. Acknowledging that is not an endorsement of those disgusting tweets. I simply recount a series of events as they happened.

People insisted on denying that phrase's homophobia, transphobia, and internalized misogyny and gaslighted others for hours, for days, for months until someone gave a misogynist response which allowed them to change the entire convo.

We are not crazy. This happened, and I spoke.

That is why people kept asking why I didn’t acknowledge his violently misogynist tweets even though I did actually condemn them. I refused to be led into a convo that was SOLELY abt his misogyny. This is about phrase being problematic. That remains my focus in THIS conversation.

Each time we’ve asked what “women’s business” means, we get a few replies which mainly revolve around women’s spaces and women’s autonomy. There are ways to address both without using this specific phrase which carries with it a history of bigotry and violence.

I tried giving examples of how to say the same things without using this phrasing, AND I tried to give comparisons to help you see that the context YOU put it in does not cancel out its inherent violence.:

Here, someone else tries to discuss it (particularly how the phrase is used to police gender in ways that are more like its origins than in its new feminist contexts) but is similarly shot down. People are simply unwilling to hear the truth:

https://twitter.com/SpookyAnarchist/status/1305153958466539521

Here is the most common gaslighting tactic. This framing INTENTIONALLY aligns us with misogynists.

Again, no one said “It’s homophobic to tell men to leave women’s bodies alone.” We said THE SPECIFIC PHRASE “stay out of women’s business” is problematic:

https://twitter.com/SpookyAnarchist/status/1305172804208271360

And look who else endorses this phrase: the TERFs!

Again, this catchphrase is not worth it, y'all…

Example of the phrase "stay out of women's business" being used by cis Women in its original violent context against a cis gay man who aided Black Trans Women and gave proper credit to our community.

Deliberate misuse of feminism to justify transphobia!

https://twitter.com/AdamantxYves/status/1262464411299708928

This is also why I encourage Trans Women to resist this (allegedly feminist and/or comedic) homophobia against gay men. The jokes are violent, and all these cis women who kiki with us about it will not hesitate to put a hit out on us.

They see us exactly the same way.

Now having said ALL this:

You can choose to misrepresent what I’ve said. You can choose to quote and screenshot me out of context. You can choose to continue harassing and dragging me, but it is still wrong whether or not you win this argument publicly.

Again, I understand its feminist usage. I support what the message in this context is ABOUT, but ask yourself: Is using the violently homophobic, transphobic, internally misogynist PHRASE “Stay out of women’s business” THAT important to u? Is it worth all this?

Please retire it.

https://medium.com/@twitter.adamantxyves/on-stay-out-of-womens-business-fb9567943401