I didn't say a lot this weekend --- mostly cuz I realize that Im not at my best -- but I cant quite get over the fact that Romancelandia was given a pop quiz on consent and failed so spectacularly not once but twice

As usual the hypocrisy is coming from inside the house

Romancelandia where we say consent is for everyone but a lot of yall mean it's for ppl you deem worthy of consent.

So often we talk about abused women & the discourse always goes to why didn't she do X or Y and yet we police the way ppl DO try to protect themselves

Soft blocking is setting a boundary. It is controlling who has access to your TL.

Some of us (waves) are fine with setting a bridge on fire while we're standing on it but their are legions of Romancelandia authors who admit to being afraid to even dissent a little bit and YET

A number of these same ppl, who admittedly cant argue with their own shadows trashed ppl using soft block

What if an editor was inappropriate to you at a con? You tried to report it & got shut down & threatened? Soft blocking is a tool to use in that scenario

What if your boss -- who is too familiar at work -- has found your twitter? What if it's a family member and you know it will be a big thing at the next get together? What if it's a person who wont take your NO for an answer?

What if it's a person who is using your tweets for their own gain? What if it's someone you can't afford (for whatever reason) to outright block?

Soft block exists for a reason.

What I found really laughable is that there are at least 2 of you who routinely make threads abt how you have ppl who trash talk you to your face all the time, how you wish your boundaries would be respected.

And yet you were 2 of the loudest with "soft blocking is so dumb!"

So many of us were indoctrinated in the Cult of Nice that often doing what's best for us takes a back seat to how other ppl MIGHT perceive that. Soft blocking helps.

Im very vocal about muting and blocking ppl. I also had someone freak out a bit when they found I had unfollowed

Yes that's an outlier but it still happened. And yes I did pretend that twitter had unfollowed them. (I was a diff person 7 yrs ago)

Also? Stop acting like ppl don't notice and gossip in DMs about who no longer talks to/follows each other. Cuz that shit happens

But in the end it doesn't matter. Who are we to say that a person's reasons for soft blocking are dumb? that it's not a valid thing to do?

Also ppl who say things like "I dont even notice when you soft block me" ummmm. You smell that? Smells like LIES

People should not have to justify why they said NO you cant have access to me. That no should be enough. They also shouldnt have to pull out receipts for you to respect it

No is a complete sentence

the utter gall to be like "I should be the arbiter of who has access to your TL"

like who are you exactly?

Yall: We're pro consent

*person soft blocks*

Yall: Not like THAT. Don't be dumb

Either we believe ppl can set their own boundaries and we respect them or we don't.

Really thought those of you who have been vocal about the ways in which you've personally been bullied would understand that but here we are

So now we gotta talk about the Evans' dick pics which is not where I wanted to be on a Monday morn but again the hypocrisy

I dont care if you wanted to look at them or not, that's your own decision BUT what I find offensive is how ppl arent even acknowledging the lack of consent

The wording that everyone is using is that the pic was LEAKED.

Leaked vs Posted
Leaked vs Shared
Leaked vs Promoted
Leaked vs Celebrated

Romancedlandia: where words matter until some of us are too horny and then they don't

And then the rationalizations for ignoring consent. Most boil down to

-well he's a white dude and they dont need protecting

-what abt when [insert actress here] pics were leaked

-he did it to himself

And it's all just gross.

Im never gonna be like "Protect white dudes!" but acting like they cant be affected by something like this is just asinine.

Team Only Protect SOME PEOPLE whose nudes get leaked. Like where's the test for who deserves protection?

If you want to make the EXTREMELY VALID&TIMELY argument that the reaction to a male's pics being leaked vs a female's are very skewed & that's messed up, by all means do so, but don't make the take away "Im not going to speak about about this guy because what about that girl"

IT ALL SUCKS and "well Im withholding sympathy because other ppl have it worse" is quite an ugly hill to die on

But by far I was most disti

But by far I was most disturbed by the He Did It To Himself camp.

It's not quite the same as Well Why Was She Wearing That or She Was Asking for It but they are cousins.

What's getting me are the ppl on my TL who also suffer from mental issues & are always talking about how things affect them & are just ignoring the fact that this trending could have really lasting, damaging affects on him. And these are the ppl who call themselves his fan

There's a marked difference between

I took these pics/film and HERE I want you to see them

vs

I took these pics/film & they got out by accident

And the fact that so many ppl in Romancelandia are pretending not to know the difference

Lastly? This would be a lot easier to deal with if ppl would just admit that what they want often treads on other ppl's boundaries.

Just say "my desire to see is more important than his consent"

Stop trying to rewrite it like you're being feminist or edgy.

Again, it's up to you if you want to see it -- it was blatantly on my TL without any sort of trigger warnings or SPOILER ALERT-- but be honest with what you're doing.

Stop Acting Like Women Can't Breach Consent Challenge failed yet again

Also? If you think these tweets are about you? Maybe examine why you think that and dont @ me