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one thing about me that i& #39;m proud of is like. 2015 to 2019, i struggled with super bad social anxiety, i would get panic attacks at the idea of even asking someone for a favor, and i was always afraid that i was gonna get yelled at, and i was just... soooo awfully anxious
my anxiety was more than just social tho it was like. literally everything. it was so bad i was convinced i had an anxiety disorder but surprise surprise it was just extreme depressive bipolar episodes
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2017 i was at the lowest point in my life and i honestly don& #39;t remember the year that well because i was going in and out of a psychotic state, i genuinely believed this really stupid delusion and it was fucking with my relationships with people, and i also had-
2017 i was at the lowest point in my life and i honestly don& #39;t remember the year that well because i was going in and out of a psychotic state, i genuinely believed this really stupid delusion and it was fucking with my relationships with people, and i also had-
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attempted to off myself earlier in the year which led me to my first psych ward visit (tho that wasn& #39;t the first time i had attempted i have literally no idea how many times i have, i only remember three though)
attempted to off myself earlier in the year which led me to my first psych ward visit (tho that wasn& #39;t the first time i had attempted i have literally no idea how many times i have, i only remember three though)
ANYWAY SORRY that was kind of getting off track but its like. in the beginning of 2018 i was still severely depressed and i got my cat asher which made me REALLY happy, he helped me feel better. but then i realized like... man i really did wallow in stuff a lot so i was like-
"alright time to stop being depressed and lonely and i need to stop isolating myself" cause like at least twice a month i would deactivate my deviantart and leave group chats and stuff during melt downs and anxiety attacks and stuff it was. really bad. but they just made me feel-
way worse i HATED isolating myself
anyway so in the beginning of 2018 i was like... You know what. i& #39;m going to start pushing myself. so i ended up just facing my social anxiety head on
anyway so in the beginning of 2018 i was like... You know what. i& #39;m going to start pushing myself. so i ended up just facing my social anxiety head on
i was still really socially anxious, but towards the end of my junior year my social anxiety was pretty low for the first time in literal years and i couldn& #39;t be happier. and then i actually got a job in the summer and i think that is what helped me overcome my social anxiety
i work at a fast food place and normally i would work front counter (we closed dine in and take out in april though so i havent in months) and one of my fave things to do was sparking up conversations with customers while we were slow... if the customer was obviously-
uncomfortable though i wouldn& #39;t push it cause like. i understand, i& #39;ve been in that position before and i didn& #39;t like being forced to talk to someone. but most of the conversations i had were super pleasant and stuff and it kind of clicked in my head that i& #39;m actually an-
extrovert and all these years i spent wallowing in anxiety and stuff wasn& #39;t me being an introvert, i was literally just. very mentally ill
OBVIOUSLY not claiming that all introverts are just socially anxious and ~truly extroverts~ needing to burst out of their bubble, introverts really do exist... but my idea of being an introvert was literally social isolation from everyone because i was scared of people and stuff
i know of many introverts with healthy relationships to social stuff, they just don& #39;t thrive on interaction like extroverts. and also i recognize that there can be unhealthy extroverts, where they rely way too much on social interaction (i think thats me)
but anyway i did want to share this because while battling mental health is a slippery slope and not linear... you can heal and stuff. for the longest time i thought i was broken and couldn& #39;t be fixed and that i didn& #39;t deserve friends or relationships or anything and i was-
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lashing out at everyone, and i will admit i was toxic to people. i think it could be even argued i was abusive when i was 15 to an extent (considering i literally suicide baited my friend group from school lmao)
lashing out at everyone, and i will admit i was toxic to people. i think it could be even argued i was abusive when i was 15 to an extent (considering i literally suicide baited my friend group from school lmao)
wallowing in depression and anxiety was just. terrible for me. and it did nothing to help me. i& #39;m not saying that you can& #39;t ask for help, but you can& #39;t get better until you actually get a push to do something, there& #39;s some effort on your part too, you can& #39;t always depend on-
someone to come and save you. that& #39;s what i was waiting for, i was waiting for someone to come and save me and then i realized... i shouldn& #39;t have to put that responsibility on someone
i had other factors that helped contribute to me becoming functioning again, like i& #39;ve been in therapy since i was 13 (and my therapist has helped me A LOT), i& #39;ve been taking medication since i was 14, i got diagnosed with bipolar when i was 14 too so luckily catching it early-
on helped prevent... god knows what could have happened if i didn& #39;t get diagnosed early on (most people don& #39;t get diagnosed until they& #39;re 20 cause their signs don& #39;t show til early adulthood, but i& #39;ve been showing signs since i was 9 and it runs in my family lol)
ANYWAY even with all that help i was getting, i wasn& #39;t... letting it help me and stuff. it took me actually Pushing myself to work on myself to get better and stuff and like. i& #39;m just proud that i was able to start feeling better
i& #39;m making this thread because i want to be a better mental health advocate... i stopped feeling so alone (because i didn& #39;t know many people who shared experiences with me) when in my psychology class we watched interviews of celebrities with bipolar and i felt really understood-
and like... idk, people sharing their experiences really helped me feel like i could be "fixed" or whatever. so i& #39;m hoping me talking about this will do the same to other people
do i still get social anxiety? sometimes, yeah. am i still painfully socially awkward? yes. very awkward. ask any of my offline friends. but i& #39;m just. a lot better
anyway i promise everyone who is struggling, things can and will get better. i know that it seems like there& #39;s no light at the end of the tunnel, i felt like that for the longest time. especially if you& #39;ve been struggling since you were at a young age like me
sorry i made replies mutuals only, i don& #39;t want randos that find this to say weird shit lol. feel free to quote retweet though
