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as a black, drag queen living in Los Angeles.... (who also isn’t skinny/super fit)
dating seems damn near impossible. not even sure why i continue to get my hopes up.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Lachend auf dem Boden rollen" aria-label="Emoji: Lachend auf dem Boden rollen"> i always end up looking like boo boo the fucking fool.
dating seems damn near impossible. not even sure why i continue to get my hopes up.
A moment of transparency...
This most recent heartbreak hurt the worst. Only because I thought I finally found someone who was okay with my drag and okay with me as a person.
This most recent heartbreak hurt the worst. Only because I thought I finally found someone who was okay with my drag and okay with me as a person.
Our chemistry was unmatched (or so I thought) and it allowed me to truly be myself with this person.
I spoke to him everyday for almost six months and we always challenged the other to become a better form of theirselves.
I spoke to him everyday for almost six months and we always challenged the other to become a better form of theirselves.
He, quickly, became one of my best friends and from the conversations that we had.. I thought that we were on track to becoming more.
Biggest issue? He lived about 5 hours away.
I didn’t think anything of it because I, truly, admired his demeanor and how he carried himself.
I didn’t think anything of it because I, truly, admired his demeanor and how he carried himself.
I admired this so much that I found myself giving more than what he was giving emotionally. I reached a point where I reallllly liked this guy and with the context of our conversations, I thought that he felt the same.
Then, he went back to work... met a girl and let me know that the distance was too much.
For me, this sucked because I felt like I was tossed to the side the moment he found someone closer to him and made me feel like he never gave me any true consideration.
and like... it sucks because I always thought to myself “I’ll still be his friend even if we don’t reach the point of dating.”
but it turned out to be exactly what I feared it was....
A quarantine “romance” that would quickly end the moment that he was able to leave home and see people in person.
A quarantine “romance” that would quickly end the moment that he was able to leave home and see people in person.
I’m still working on reminding myself that this was not my fault. The conversations were had. The hints were there. I didn’t create this idea of romance out of no where.
It hurts going from talking to someone everyday to laying in bed wondering if this person, actually, truly cared about you... or if you were a emotional support placeholder until they were able to find what they were truly looking for.
Now,
I’m in a spot where I’ve grown so comfortable with this person that I still want to try to maintain a friendship..
but I am still struggling to figure out if it’s the best option.
I’m in a spot where I’ve grown so comfortable with this person that I still want to try to maintain a friendship..
but I am still struggling to figure out if it’s the best option.
Especially after feeling like I was lead on for months and then quickly tossed to the side at the first glimpse of a “possibility”.
With that being said,
Love sucks. Even when you start to feel comfortable, it can come and slap you in the face and remind you that it isn’t always easy.
Love sucks. Even when you start to feel comfortable, it can come and slap you in the face and remind you that it isn’t always easy.
I’m, still, hurting. I haven’t been able to get good sleep since it’s happened. I haven’t had an appetite in a week. Only eating because I know that I need to eat.
but this is all a part of the process of healing.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht"> it really fucking hurts but I’ve gotta get through it.
but this is all a part of the process of healing.
