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i’ve been kind of struggling w/ not feeling good or even real recently, but i’ve been physically functioning (barely) since my brain is so used to doing stuff at neurotypical standards and just pushing myself in unhealthy ways that are just so normal at this point.—
but mentally i’m just not good. everything feels fake in a way and i don’t feel real. i don’t know how to put it since it’s all muffled yet not and just super vague and not there enough to process it well enough. this might be a depressive episode, idk, since i have a hard—
tw//intrusive thoughts, possible suicidal hints idk
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time getting out of bed, eating, etc. but i can’t tell tbh. lol when i do stop and think i just keep getting these intrusive thoughts about what’s gonna happen w/ myself, if it’s pointless to even go on much longer, if i’m—
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time getting out of bed, eating, etc. but i can’t tell tbh. lol when i do stop and think i just keep getting these intrusive thoughts about what’s gonna happen w/ myself, if it’s pointless to even go on much longer, if i’m—
gonna get anywhere, etc. and i just feel BAD and i don’t know what to do about it all. i can function around it all and push it off, but i just want it to stop. idk if i should get help or something, but i kind of can’t since i’m completely broke and out of a job at the moment.—
i should have money coming but my last employers won’t get back to me and finally pay me for my missing paycheck!! i really have no clue what to do and i’m struggling w/ trying to deal w/ it all. i’ve applied to a couple places online but NO ONE has gotten back yet. i don’t even—
know if i can keep working tho, especially w/ how much i’ve just deteriorated all around. i don’t know if i can go and work w/o unconsciously pushing myself in harmful ways like i did at my last job and it’s making me worried since i have to worry about rent, food, basic human—
necessities, and everything else so i can survive like a basic human being, but idk if i can. it all feels like it’s for nothing and i can hardly get through the day. sorry about all of this, especially if this triggers anybody into feeling similarly, but idk what else to do rn.
