DEPRESSIVES OF TWITTER! In this Year of Our Apocalypse 2020, I have made a useful thing for our people: the Depressive Alignment Chart, as illustrated by random and arbitrary media I've consumed in quarantine!

An explanation of my methods:

On the Y-axis, we have "Optimistic" to "Pessimistic." These could very well be "Cheerful" to "Grumpy", or "Manic" to "Angry." The point is that this is what non-depressives use to judge whether or not a person is depressed.

They are very wrong about that, but there ya go.

On the x-axis, we have "Not Coping" to "Coping". This is how well your depressive is handling their depression at any given time. Coping Depressives may not change their base demeanor, but even while pessimistic they can be Coping, or while Optimistic, Not Coping.

I've assigned each of the 4 quadrants a patron Depressive to shepherd their house that I think best represents the qualities of that quadrant. We've got House Clippy, House Iroh, House Eeyore, and House Bojack.

Note that IRL, depressives frequently move between houses.

Now before I get into the individual depressives, let me note that we're dealing with fictional characters here, and I've made my determinations by taking a general average of their styles in the most non-scientific & arbitrary way possible.

What do you expect, I'm depressed

So, moving on! Let's start with Eeyore.

Eeyore is a non-depressive's idea of what most depressive people are like. Eeyore is indeed Maximum Pessimistic. However, he is also Strong Coping. He's got a supportive group of friends and he's very in touch with his feelings.

House Eeyore is the general domain of lovable grumps who are totally okay with who they are and are not changing.

Toph also exemplifies these traits across all her incarnations. Toph lost her last fuck at age 6 and now copes with depression through swears and misanthropy.

Rounding out the proud ranks of House Eeyore, we've got Geralt of Rivia. Yes, I noticed he's not a cartoon. No, I don't care. Geralt copes with depression via a steady diet of sorceresses and collecting cool swords. He's decidedly Coping.

Now let's take a journey into the Not Coping side of the chart into House Bojack. House Bojack is the domain of moody edgelords and depressives who don't give a fuck who knows how they feel on the inside

Leading the house is, of course, Bojack Horseman, both high Pessimism and very high Not Coping. His depressive episodes are a wrecking ball to himself and those around him.

I am grateful to Bojack because I've spent a lot of time in his House. Bojack doesn't judge.

Some depressives of House Bojack do manage to hold down a job. Take Zuko, frex. Despite daddy issues, he persists with his impossible quest to capture the Avatar. His main non-coping mechanism is ignoring his Uncle Iroh, who really wants him to take up meditation & exercise.

Edward Elric has a slightly less severe, but still classic case of House Bojack. This boy is not fucking coping, though, even when he wavers a little closer to the Optimism/Pessimism grand divide.

We can't talk about House Bojack without discussing Lisa Simpson. We could probably debate how well she's coping at any given point in the series, but she's indisputably pessimistic. I think she may have a future in House Eeyore, given enough therapy.

Yuri from Yuri!!! On Ice starts off in House Bojack, but he's in the shallow end of that pool. By the end of the series, he's probably more of an Iroh. Keep this in mind as we continue this thread.

Let's jump over to House Iroh, headed by Our Saint of Depressive coping, Uncle Iroh! He manages his episodes with meditation, exercise, and strong connections with family. He runs that mindfulness class your insurance wants you to take.

His house is the domain of cheerful depressives with working coping mechanisms. Pinkie Pie is a great example. She stress-bakes and plays the tuba and has strong connections with friends, which gets her through the worst of her episodes.

Meanwhile, in a stunning reversal, Old Zuko got serious in his 30's about getting his medication sorted out, and still listens to Uncle Iroh's old mindfulness meditation recordings, thus demonstrating it's possible to come out of House Bojack in one piece.

Steven Universe, meanwhile, has bounced between House Clippy and House Iroh for much of his life, but landed firmly in Irohland after addressing his C-PTSD symptoms with his doctor.

Dory from "Finding Nemo" is the ultimate master of how to take intrusive thoughts and harness their power in your favor. Just keep swimmin', depressive buds. <3

And finally, we venture into the realm of House Clippy. Clippy works a horrible customer service job all day where he has to be nice to people. Everyone thinks Clippy is happy. Those people are wrong.

Clippy is Not Coping. Friends of Clippy, please check on him.

In Clippy's domain dwell all the depressives non-depressives don't actually think are depressed, or assume are coping okay because of their sunny demeanors. People think depression is the opposite of happiness/cheerfulness, but House Clippy knows otherwise.

Take Alistair from Dragon Age. Wise-cracking and charming, this guy is deeply depressed and not dealing with it well. It doesn't help that his game writers have made his unhappiness the lynchpin of the whole series. Alistair needs a hug and the good meds.

Retsuko of Aggretsuko is also another great example of how a forced Customer Service Demeanor can shove a non-coping depressive deep out of the public eye, while hiding a seething cauldron of fucked up neurotransmitters.

And then we have poor Pearl of Steven Universe. If you've got anxiety AND depression, you relate hella well to Pearl. While her anxiety is most visible on the outside, no depressive can miss how she's just treading water above her next depressive episode, hoping to outswim it.

Bolin is an interesting case, because I'd argue he's coping slightly better than many in House Clippy, but that jokey exterior doesn't fool me, and it shouldn't fool you either. Bolin is Not Coping, and nobody notices but us.

Tenzin is a great example of a borderline case. I don't think he truly belongs in House Clippy or Bojack, but I definitely know he's not coping.

Korra is also a borderline case, but only because she spends time in all 4 houses over the course of her character arc, most notably House Bojack and House Iroh. I think she ultimately lands on the border.

The best part of this alignment chart is using it to rate yourself day by day, or hour by hour. For example, being an educator during a pandemic and also living in Wildfire Oregon, I have set up camp in House Clippy for weeks now, with occasional trips to Bojack and Eeyore.

Mainly I want a more complex way to describe depression beyond the non-depressive "happy vs sad" dichotomy. So have fun with it! Rules lawyer it! I release it to my people.

And VERY special thanks to @Jkjones2185, who helped me make the infographic! <3