Let me be honest and say that since September last year that I don't sleep well. I feel afraid what I will wake up to. I feel afraid what may happen. I stay awake for as long as can, so I am here to act in case something comes up. I can't fully rest.

If it is like this for me, imagine for him. I ask myself every day "when will this stop?", "when will people leave him alone?". Every day is a new pain, a new issue we have to fight. Our hearts are never in peace.

He is gone, and with reason, and we have to deal with the feeling of missing him so dearly, knowing that there is no safe space for him here anymore. I am so tired of seeing someone I love going through so much, not knowing when it it will end.

I try my best every day to look strong and never say anything, but I am human too. I may delete this later, but I just wanted to let it out. Please, stop.