Was gonna get some work done and play with the kids.

The good news. My mom showed up with food for a late lunch.

The bad news. My dad showed up with toolbox. He’s tired of me not fixing things round the house. We’re going to do it today. :(

So I was instructed to eat quickly so we can tighten the screws in the kitchen cabinets. Some of them had fallen out and were ever so slightly loose. I’m told this is our #1 priority.

My mother (at her passive aggressive best) has begun to wordlessly clean the kitchen.

.... she says to my 8YO
“I always told your dada to wash the dishes right away”.

That’s not ‘passive aggressive’, that’s ‘aggressive aggressive’

Some of the screws aren’t coming out or tightening cause they are “stripped”. My inability to get these screws out are a direct indictment on my masculinity (I’m told by my father)

There’s a lack of appropriate sized replacement screws in the house. My father doesn’t understand how I even own a house. This mission is labelled a failure.

But now his eyes light up. The toilet. Guest bedroom needs a new pump. My dad has one. We’re gonna change it. Lord help me.

Listen. I don’t CARE what he says. The fact that I don’t know which way to turn the fastener to take out the pump is my dad’s fault for not properly instructing me when I was a kid.

I’m being yelled at like I’m 12 years old again.

“All those degrees and you can’t fix a simple toilet!!”, he says.

Editor’s note: My father and I have the same number of degrees.

Unsatisfied with my progress, my father has taken over. The replacement pump is also busted. I don’t ask where he got it from.

He’s fixing my toilet in dress pants and button down shirt. This is not abnormal. He ONLY wears dress pants and button down shirts.

I’m in a corner

We need a new water pump for the toilet. My father is taking me to Home Depot to get a new one... and screws for the cabinets.

He’s practically giddy.

At Home Depot, my dad has found an employee close to him in age and Punjabi speaking. They’re laughing at my incompetence and the stupidity of young people in general.

I’m in my forties. MY FORTIES.

Also I’m told that screws are too expensive.

Driving home. Dad is driving cause he always insists on driving. Sorry I can’t reply to your comments. Whenever I take out my phone, he looks at me with disdain. I’m pretending these messages are for work.

He’s telling me about every toilet he’s ever fixed in his life.

Forgot to mention. He told the Home Depot employee that I’m a very important lawyer and patted me on the head.

“Soon he will be Judge”.... says our new friend at Home Depot.

Back home to find my 6YO quietly drawing, 8YO reading, the house is spotless and my mother is on the couch looking smug.

Headed back up to the toilet.

Toilet working properly. I’m now working on the screws and kitchen cabinets.

Realized my mother is making chai and had moved/re-arranged all my chai making ingredients.

I’m mortified.