*sees this meme*

*drops a ponderous tome on my desk labeled "Volume 1"* https://twitter.com/BootlegGirl/status/1305021846094589953

okay you asked for it https://twitter.com/martienne17/status/1305036986751868929

Nymphomachy: acceptable, accurate description of my brand, not too familiar, v good, 8/10

nymphomachy: if there is nothing capitalized in the tweet then 7/10, else 5/10

Nymphomancy: learn 2 read nub, 1/10

Nymphomania: Wrong. Just wrong. I am offended. Bad, ungood. -5/10

Nympho: What the fuck are you doing. What the shit is this. We are not playing this game. Begone. /10

Nymph: okay weird and unintuitive but not wholly inaccurate, intriguing, 6.5/10

Machy: technically not wrong either, but I made this one up. Nobody has done this. 4/10

Phryne: Deprecated, was very misleading, you guys kept pronouncing it "fern", don't try to show off, 3/10

Helen of Troy: Guys that was me trolling somebody for like a week, wasn't literal, 2/10

Vapor: Why the fuck would my name actually be "vapor", why do ppl think this, 1/10

Mancy: This is an attack on everything decent, it is a genuine threat to the fabric of reality, this is a hate crime, -∞/1 https://twitter.com/BenGSchout/status/1305039548246704129

Weyve: kinda metal, that's like just calling me "Outlawess" which is sweet, 5/10

Vapor Weyve: rating is tiered depending on how much of the wordplay you actually comprehend, has a staggered structure from 2 to 8/10

V.W.: no dummy I'm not a volkswagon, never do this, 1/10

Ramon Valtierra: kind of a funny joke I guess, you get points for remembering that thread, 5/10

[Ramon Valtierra]: I see what you're trying to do, don't be a motherfucker, 0/10

Airman Valtierra: time to die, /

Senior Airman: you must never, ever do this, 0/10

Penelope Pilbeam: way too much name, you hardly need to use so much name at once, 4/10

Penelope: Correct. Classic standby, you can never go wrong with this, 10/10

P: No, I'm not a letter. 2/10

PP: I CAST FAMILICIDE. -50/10

pɨˈnɛ.loʊp: s2g, I can't hear your pronunciation through a text-based medium but know that if you're calling me this in your head that you're sick and twisted, 0/10

Lope: I am not a "long bounding stride", 1/10

Lopè: bro just call me Lupé then, least gives me latina cred, 2/10

Pen: sleek, simple, mightier than the sword, 8/10

Penn: fuck you motherfucker. 1/10

Nel/Nell: rarely used, relic of failures, the Betamax of nicknames, 5/10

Nelly/Nellie: not at all, makes me sound like either an R&B singer or a plump Dublin thot, just not doing this, 2/10

Nelo: Interesting, is apparently a genus of moths, also makes me sound like a Devil May Cry boss, 5.5/10

Penelo: Yes, good, the main character of the entire Final Fantasy franchise, top choice, 7/10

Nelope: Very tryhard, u can't remove syllables willy-nilly, 2/10

Pope: wut/10

Penny: 𝔽𝕆ℝ𝔹𝕀𝔻𝔻𝔼ℕ. my exes used to call me this. we are leaving that past behind. NaN/10

Penni/Pennie: okay in case we were unclear it's not the association with copper-and-zinc coins I find objectionable, NaN/∞

Enny: That's... interesting. Write an essay on it. TBA/10

Pitstop: Wrestlers may call me this, 7/10

Wilton: Only the cast members of DOWNTON ABBEY may call me this, ½/10

Cruz: Tom Cruise may call me this, ¼/10

Clearwater: Only Rowling calls me this, at our final dramatic showdown, fighting to the death in a Manhattan downpour, -1/10

Pepper: quite good! spunky, implies that I am spicy and come with salt, god-tier, 9/10

Pepero: these are Korean cookie sticks, I mean, sure, that's cute, 6.5/10

Pepsi: we're starting to get lost in the weeds, also I prefer Coke, 3/10

Pepsin: seriously stop, 1/10

Peppy: /

Pep: No, terrible, you may not, 0/10

Pex: Yes, this is fine, this is how I sign emails, 8/10

Pexy: This is, I always felt, quite cute, but nobody ever used it, shrug, 7.5/10

Pixie: Like "Nymph", it is, I think, technically accurate, don't really feel like I live up to it, 7/10

P.X. : veterans will tell you this is a term for a military K-Mart; they are technically not wrong but it is also my initials, 7¾/10

PXP: Too many initials, sounds like a party drug, 5/10

XP: Courage and wit have served thee well. Thou hast been promoted to the next level. DW/1

Penelopeia: I understand the confusion; this is the dryad who gave birth to the god Pan, 7/10

Pan: kinda weird, since he is the brother of the goddess Hermaphroditus, also I'm more sapphic, 1/10

Piper: this is silly, 0/10

Pippa: tbh, prolly what JKR _actually_ calls me. /

Poppy: okay so earlier this year I interviewed for a long-term babysitting job in White Plains and I met the kids and one of them told me she had a Penelope in her class but she went by "Poppy" and I was like, who would do this to themselves, then again it's an opium source, 2/10