you know what hurts the most?
knowing that bellamy has never lived for himself. never really had a childhood. never really had his teenage years to rebel. probably couldn’t even have friends out of fear that they would discover octavia. he had to grow up way too fast.
he never felt like he had a purpose in life other than protecting octavia because that’s what his mum had always told him. knowing that he died still feeling guilty about his mom. knowing that he never cared about himself.
knowing that clarke was the first person to tell him that he wasn’t a monster and then she turned around and shot him making his last thoughts probably be „maybe i do was a monster“. knowing that he never had anyone put him first.
knowing that he would have died for anyone he loved but the same couldn’t be said about them. knowing that he loved with heart and soul which came to bite him in the ass. knowing that he died thinking he would go to hell and never see his friends again.
knowing that no one ever bothered to find out what happened the first time he was declared dead and then hated on him afterwards. knowing that he was always there for everybody but when he needed them, no one was there for him.
knowing that bellamy was scared to die and yet he died alone on the cold floor on a completely different planet. knowing that bellamy spent months trying to rescue clarke in s3 + saved her life multiple times yet she was the one to kill him.
knowing that he adored children the most yet he never got to have any. knowing that he would have been such a great dad, uncle or history teacher but never got to be either of that.
knowing that there isn’t a bellamy blake anymore. knowing that octavia doesn’t have a brother anymore. knowing that he can’t experience nice things anymore. knowing that he will never learn to love himself. knowing that he is dead.
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