Thread by @PastorTrey05, Woke up thinkin bout that time in the Bible where Moses was [...]

Woke up thinkin bout that time in the Bible where Moses was like “God says let my people go.” And Pharaoh was like “I don’t see ethnicity or religion” and God was like “oh snap, you right, nvm”

#AmericanBibleReadings

Moses was adopted by Pharaoh’s household and learned the language and habits, which was proof that any and every Hebrew could’ve joined Pharaoh’s household if they’d only stop acting like victims, stayed out of jail, and been raised by both parents.

#AmericanBibleReadings

I don’t know why everyone was looking for a Messiah. Slavery in Egypt was such a long time ago. Nobody alive was ever a slave in Egypt, and nobody alive was an Egyptian slave owner.

#AmericanBibleReadings

I don’t know why everyone makes such a big deal of the Babylonian captivity. Look at Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They were in the administration, so Babylonian Privilege didn’t exist.

#AmericanBibleReadings

If Daniel had only complied, he wouldn’t have been thrown into the lion’s den.

#AmericanBibleReadings

If Mary didn’t wanna see her Son on death row, she shouldn’t have had him illegitimately. Eventually we have to take responsibility for our own actions.

#AmericanBibleReadings

Telling Noah to build an ark and stay there until the water receded was a restriction of freedom.

What about the economy?

The solution can’t be worse than the problem!

#AmericanBibleReadings

The reason the Israelites kept getting conquered was because of those socialist gleaning laws.

There’s never been a good example of socialism, and free market capitalism is the only godly one.

#AmericanBibleReadings

Lololol y’all keep tellin me it’s too early in the mornin for these #AmericanBibleReadings. Aight ima chill.

I’m just kiddin. #AmericanBibleReadings never take a break.

God: Peter, I need you to switch it up. Fellowship with the others.

Peter: Nah, I read the Bible. It’s wrong.

God: Don’t call something unclean if I made it clean.

Peter: oh snap!

Us: But, surely some cultures are better than others????

#AmericanBibleReadings

Moses: God said “let my people go”

Pharaoh: whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. His people? ALL lives matter.

#AmericanBibleReadings

Nebuchadnezzer: when you hear the music, show reverence to the image.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: Nah, that sounds like idol worship, we good.

Us: Clearly Nebuchadnezzer is the good guy in this story and asking something completely reasonable.

#AmericanBibleReadings

Israel: we want a king.
God: I’m your king.
Israel: Nah, a real king.
God: It’s not gon work out how y’all want it to, though.
Israel: Do it.
God: Fine, since y’all asked for it...
Us citizens of a democratic republic: GOD CHOSE DONALD J TRUMP

#AmericanBibleReadings

#AmericanBibleReadings https://twitter.com/thetreblemaker3/status/1304768597953261568

https://twitter.com/thetreblemaker3/status/1304768597953261568

*12 year old Jesus gets left behind in a whole nother city because the family was so big Mary & Joseph thought someone else had him*

Us: well clearly the “nuclear” family is the biblical model.

#AmericanBibleReadings

The Bible: when y’all get to heaven, it’s gon be people from every nation speakin a whole buncha different languages and it’s gon be hella dope.

Us: I don’t see color.

#AmericanBibleReadings

John 15:13 - There is no greater love than to lay down ones life for one’s friends.

Us: Wear a mask?! It is my God given right to sneeze directly into my neighbors mouth should I choose to do so, please and thank you!

#AmericanBibleReadings

Joshua on the way to the promised land and encountering an angel: say man, you friend or foe?

Angel: Neither one. I’m with God.

Us: clearly God is with one of these political parties!

#AmericanBibleReadings

#AmericanBibleReadings

Run up on me and see how many swords are among us if you want to, tho