Thread by @NoraReed, ive been messing around with ck3 playing different leaders and i think [...]

ive been messing around with ck3 playing different leaders and i think im gonna try to like. really fuck up christianity

To the abhorrent King Charles,

my wife is arranging friendships for my 31 year old son

why do i keep getting the fucking incest events

you are four years old

why does my grandson look like this

i am my grandson now

jount

my subjects rose up in an independence war and captured me and i lost a BUNCH of my land!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

got most of the land back

it's time :) :) to fuck up christianity :) :)

welcome to NORANIAN CANNIBALISM

i have founded the cannibal knights templar

i have died

i'm doing a plotline that involves lead that is somehow used to sweeten wine, which apparently is a real historical thing. which explains a lot about the past

better not be lojban

my wife was fucking conlang!!!!!!!

aren't i supposed to report this

LIKE A LION EATS AN ANTELOPE

i can't figure out why my wife is nude. she is not of a religion that has the nudity trait. she was not nude before she just is nude now, suddenly

you can look at her traits. why is she nude

did she become nude because i am the pope

i gave her 2 counties and she stopped being nude

she stopped being available on my council!! she's not helping me anymore!!

i guess i can do crusades now!!! for cannibalism!!!!!!!

OH NO

A DUELDAUGHTER

bad news i am dying

my dueldaughter is successful though

duelpope

i just lost a crusade. rip

there's too many catholics is the problem

i should be allowed to ally with some other faith to take out the catholics

well since i'm twice as high as i normally attempt to get i guess i might as well boot this up again

i dont know why i have a baby as an heir but she's beautiful and smart

love these tooltips

i lose stress when i execute people

some people commit kinslaying to cope

i've been in a war for 31 years but its not my war so i cant stop it lmao

damn catholicism is doing BAD

i died but i disinherited everyone until i got someone with an intelligence + beauty + physique trait

for some reason i'm not the dynasty head. i know there's a bug that makes it take like a year for that to get fixed but it hasn't for me. do i just have to start assassinating cousins?

check out my cool-ass son

bisexual! wear a mask all the time! "herculean" physique!

i just did a holy war for a huge swath of land and now i have FIFTY-ONE titles. i am allowed to hold EIGHT

i cannot figure out how to grant my vassals to my other vassals

oh i found it

i died and now im my cool son. i don't know what the war we're at is

i gained the nickname Blood-Father

in this game they ONLY go on crusades for england

actually it's possible i only hear about crusades for england because that's the only crusade zone they go for where i own land. maybe they were doing all kinds of crusades just elsewhere. i own some england

my pain in the ass brothers!!!!!!!

i love that you get a "i am better than both of you" option

this is like the 5th notification that someone is trying to kill my daughter. i don't know why they are all trying to kill my daughter. this isn't my heir she's just a four year old. she must have SUPER bad vibes

i get divorce requests now

one of the coolest things about forming your own religion and being the head of a huge dynasty is that you get to see the other end of the requests you made earlier in the game

this lady is gonna fuckin murder me

i am able to do subjugation wars for reasons i frankly do not understand

ah yes. that is where england is

countess garbage is trying to murder me

i am dying

that lady killed me

oh shit my daughter who is my new heir is of my husband's dynasty and not mine

why am i so weird about cannibalism i have a cannibal religion

my heir situation is sorted, i had a kid by one of my consorts and i guess that works

i'm still getting the notification about my primary heir though?

lost a BIG war. every time i die and get a new character everybody revolts and i lose a lot of land

considering savescumming because i'm just gonna lose my whole empire

i have quit the game to think about it. i am basically debating whether i want to continue to strive for empire or to make the central drama reclaiming what i lost

i have decided to roll back about 2 decades and give this another shot

i'm the blood-father again and now i have a mask wife

ok now i'm stephanie, a better heir. and raoul is dead again. i have executed a bunch of catholics so my subjects are too scared of me to all rebel at once.

gender makes the event where you try to seduce a bartender much funnier as a hetero woman

i made him my manconcubine

what is happening here?? how did this man end up in charge of this tiny landlocked independent nation

this 100% works by the way. executing catholics is op https://twitter.com/Calalamity/status/1306779647296892928

https://twitter.com/Calalamity/status/1306779647296892928

i have too many boyfriends

i made my husband not my boyfriend anymore. in my defense he won't even live at my court

dude you are a mancubine why the fuck are you asking me if it's your kid. i have 3 of you and a husband and you aren't even the hot one

hey why is it going to take my priest 66 years to convert this county.

this shouldnt be funny but look at my fucked up son

i know we're all very stressed out right now but can you please look at my son who has five going on seventy disease and super deformed proportions

please. my son. he's very sick

you know those people who take like, disney dolls and pull all their hair out and repaint them to look like different characters. my son looks like someone did one of those but under like, extremely bad lighting conditions

i made a crusade mistake

surrendering the crusade so i can focus on looking at my mega fucked up son

oh no

nora is cancelled for making fun of a 5 year old with typhus

oh he's normal again. when you get better from typhus your cheeks puff out with baby fat overnight

gonna make the lady that killed my dad my best friend

they really didn't have the text prepared for you having consorts as a female leader

i got sick so i went streaking

there's still a pope and he keeps calling crusades but i don't know where he lives. i can't figure out how to get a location on him. i can't do any actions on him. i own rome

i love that this game generates complete randos who try to murder random people with no political importance. i have no idea what these peoples' beef is but it's there

WHERE IS THIS MAN.

i keep getting notifications that i've lost a level of devotion and i have no idea what i did

i have become rivals with my husband

god i wanna kill the pope so bad!!! i want to wipe out catholicism!!!!!! this is a video game tweet please do NOT send the swiss guard to my house

my rival/husband invited me to a feast at his court. i said no because i don't want him to murder me

WHAT DID I DO

i cant click on my war the tooltip is too big

lmao it's legitimately broken. i can't finish the war

okay it eventually just finishes it for you

oh shit the weed just hit like a ton of bricks

oh no somebody just appointed himself spymaster and they hate me im gonna get fucking assassinated

it let me imprison him. everyone hates me now but i can appoint a new one

im being murdered

i caught one of the people in the murder plot so i may not be murdered

my spymaster was boinking my daughter but i dont really give a shit

when do i get the bishopric of smallar

my typhus son has recovered well though he does take The Coward's Pose

i guess i did not imprison everyone who is trying to murder me

i'm going to imprison her. i'm allowed to because in addition to trying to kill me she also got caught fucking my husband

did i mention she is my sister? she is also my sister

the game informed me i am dying

i died but i got to start a war for an unpressed claim first so i can be sure i get one of the places i need to mend the great schism first

this is great. i'm playing a reasonably competent guy. i have an already adult daughter who is also reasonably competent. i executed a bunch of prisoners for dread

i have a really cool wife that might be cheating on me too

this game really needs an option to turn of incest because it's skeeving me out

i'm finally mending the great schism

i have also consecrated my bloodline. cannibalism is the best thing in the whole world

i hope this destroys the pope with no land that keeps calling crusades

he called another one so i just declared a counter-war against one of his allies so i would at least get some territory after kicking their ass

i have decided to become a witch and also lose my mind

oh good. delicious

geoffrey lived a good long life and fought many wars and became very prestigious and had a absolute fuckton of children

OH NO. MY HEIR BECAME ENGLISH

wait i'm apparently english too. this is a nightmare

i don't know how to make trebuchets because the english aren't good at anything

i am tired of crusades. i am going to murder the other pope

i have sent the pope poisoned gold (this is a video game tweet please do not send swiss guard assassins to my house)

the pope died and they picked another pope and this one is EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. how do they pick another one so fast

i am apparently dying already. very few of the people of my generation had kids for some reason, so we're very close to a succession crisis

i made my religion treat women and men equally but i'm kind of wishing i hadn't. it's a pain in the ass playing female rulers. if you don't have kids you just DON'T HAVE KIDS. if you're a man in crusader kings and you can't have kids your wife will probably just fuck around

also the women don't get to wear the pope hat which sucks ass

good news i figured out how to stop being english

bad news my family is so big that opening the dynasty tree crashes the game

oh no the game crash made me english again

okay i'm no longer english

i hate popes