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Suicide prevention awareness Thread:
How to deal with a friend that you suspect or opened up about experiencing suicidal thoughts.
How to deal with a friend that you suspect or opened up about experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Firstly, I am haven& #39;t studied this, registered at any institution, all the knowledge I am releasing is from experience. Suicide is a topic very close to home. Close friends & family have dealt with or committed suicide & this is the knowledge I& #39;ve gained.
1. First step is always to calm down, understand that you& #39;re dealing with very intense emotions & the first step when someone is open to you about being suicidal is to calm down, ask them for 5 minutes to process the information if you have to.
2. Listen attentively. The best thing you can do for a friend going through this is just to listen because the intensity of the dark thoughts make it seem like nobody would be willing to listen, so prove them wrong & just listen. [...]
[...] If they haven& #39;t approached you yet, approach with the intent to listen.
3. Never pretend to understand. Although this isn& #39;t usually a conscious decision, pretending to understand is selfish because it comes across as you prioritizing your fear of being wrong. Don& #39;t let your pride get the best of you.
4. Validate whatever their going through. Regardless of the circumstances or adversity they may be facing, remember that dark thoughts is a problem on its own & there& #39;s nothing more painful than speaking to someone who looks down on your problem...
[...] JUST BECAUSE YOU DON& #39;T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH OR YOU HANDLED THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCE DIFFERENTLY, DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOOK DOWN ON THEIR PROBLEM. Do not degrade someone& #39;s character when they& #39;re already suffering like this.
5. Remember to be patient, they& #39;ll most probably stutter, make mistakes &&&. Think about how difficult it is for them. Imagine the strength you need to tell somebody who loves you, that you want to kill yourself. If they told you that, [...]
[...] best believe it took them a very long time to gain the courage to speak to you. They might be late, irritable, emotional, forgetful, etc. it really depends on their character. Be kind, be patient, be understanding. Be gentle. Remember, this is not about you.
6. When approaching a friend who is suicidal, it& #39;s important do it in an environment where they feel most comfortable. An environment that& #39;s trigger & distraction free. Where they can speak to you without looking you in the eye, maybe a park where you& #39;re both facing forward.
7. While they speak, they& #39;ll try changing topics numerous times. Remember to constantly remind them that you guys are there to talk about the dark thoughts. The more they speak, remember to keep telling them they& #39;re doing well, it takes a lot to speak about this.
8. Get them their favourite comfort food(s). Remember, they& #39;re feeling uncomfortable, so try your best to comfort them in any way possible. They are trying their best.
9. This is not about you, do not make things about you, even if the friend tries to divert topics. That time spent together should just be dedicated to them & the dark thoughts. Although they could potentially get defensive, remind them why you& #39;re there & do it gently. [...]
[...] Saying things like "I know this is hard for you, but my problems can wait", "We are here for you", "We will get through this", "Let& #39;s try again." Constantly reassure them that you are there for them & try to be as kind as possible.
10. If you both believe in the same spiritual practice, pray together. This is important because the common theme in dark thoughts is loneliness. Remind them, through action, that there& #39;s a higher power that will help them with this. YOU CANNOT BEAT THIS ALONE!!!
11. As a friend, there will be points in the conversation where you will feel very attacked, expect it & mentally prepare yourself for it, so you don& #39;t act defensive while they speak. Remind them how much you care. Remind them that this is not easy for you to process either.
12. DO NOT INTERRUPT THEM. Earlier on, I mentioned not to have distractions. Do not interrupt them because this is all leading to something, & if you interrupt them, they might not have the momentum to go back where they left off & they could completely brush it off.
13. Don& #39;t expect the full story. Don& #39;t expect them to tell you their whole plan in detail because it takes so much already & tell them how you proud you are of them for sharing the little they can share. [...]
[...] Gently & kindly encourage them to speak more, but if they can& #39;t, let them know that& #39;s okay too & you& #39;re proud of them sharing the little they did. Also, don& #39;t make it seem little, it& #39;s a huge step. Even if they just shared one thought, be proud, because that takes STRENGTH.
14. Do not try to advise them. Remember, suicide is a reality & even that conversation can trigger them into committing suicide, do not give them advice, just listen. & when you speak, speak of the both of you dealing with his/her problem. Let me give you an example. [...]
[...] Saying things like:
"We will get you out of this."
"We can do this."
Remember that this is ultimately a problem they& #39;re dealing with, but like I mentioned before, loneliness is a common theme, so by reassuring them of your presence, trust me, you& #39;ve helped A LOT!
"We will get you out of this."
"We can do this."
Remember that this is ultimately a problem they& #39;re dealing with, but like I mentioned before, loneliness is a common theme, so by reassuring them of your presence, trust me, you& #39;ve helped A LOT!
15. Do not make the problem their possession. It& #39;s something they& #39;re dealing with, yes, but it is not their& #39;s. It& #39;s "The Anxiety", not "Their anxiety"
It& #39;s "The suicidal/dark thoughts" not "They are suicidal."[...]
It& #39;s "The suicidal/dark thoughts" not "They are suicidal."[...]
[...] When it& #39;s something you& #39;re dealing with & not yours, it& #39;s easier detaching yourself from it.
16. Even if it& #39;s not in the nature of your relationship to hug, give them a warm hug & reassure them that they will make them out of this, same sex or not, I think a hug at this point is the best thing in the world.
17. Whatever you say, it is very important to make sure you back it up with actions, it sucks when someone makes it seem like they& #39;ll be there but actually aren& #39;t. Promise them what you realistically can.
& I think I covered everything... I& #39;ve lost 3 friends & an uncle who played the role of a father figure in my life, to suicide. It& #39;s been 7 years & 16 days since my first attempt. I haven& #39;t attempted since then, being alive is genuinely my biggest accomplishment to date.
This is me creating a happy ending for things that brought me so much agony & humbled me to dysfunction. My heart is still so sore, but this is my happy ending, after almost drowning in an ocean of pain.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Nachdenkliches Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Nachdenkliches Gesicht">
Mzwandile Mda,
Thabo Chappie &
Patrick Ndlovu.
Rest in Peace my angels.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Nachdenkliches Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Nachdenkliches Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🕊️" title="Friedens-Taube" aria-label="Emoji: Friedens-Taube">
Lala ngo xolo. I wish I had known all this knowledge before you took your own life.
My name is Xola Kamohelo Mda & There is a Happy Ending.
Thank you.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤍" title="Weißes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Weißes Herz">
Thabo Chappie &
Patrick Ndlovu.
Rest in Peace my angels.
Lala ngo xolo. I wish I had known all this knowledge before you took your own life.
My name is Xola Kamohelo Mda & There is a Happy Ending.
Thank you.
