day 1:
ppl call me crazy or arrogant but it seems like im more often called arrogant.
they don't know me.
but i think i look more like a stone. im stubborn, im not sympathizing, im not good at socializing, i dont like drama, i dont like people.
im not good at describing. https://twitter.com/NitaSellya/status/1304026577705951232

day 2:
im not really an "eating person" but when i eat i can feel butterflies in my stomach, so eat makes me happy. alone make me happy, watching make me happy, get some cool books, writing, napping, flirting with cats, buy toys and raining. rainy days make me happy happy.

day 3:
a memory. a memory...
so far i haven't had a good memory to talk about. i'll come back when i have one.

day 4:
- kanal amsterdam
- queenstown & lake tekapo new zealand
- han river south korea
- helsinki finlandia
:)

day 5:
my parents? they're the best human being i've known so far. nobody's perfect, i know. but lets not talk about their imperfections here.

day 6:
single and happy???
mmmm... yes? i am??

day 7:
i can't really name my favorite movie bc i watch all genre and almost all of them are my favorites. but 13 hours: the secret soldier of benghazi, the expendables, undisputed and age of ultron never got me sick. i can rewatch them 4 times a week.

day 8:
otakku ngeblank. the power of music tu maksudnya gimana ya? apa yg bisa musik lakuin ke kita kali ya? karna ini nulis tentang diri sendiri jadi kayanya iya.
ya... kurang lebih sama kayak orang2 pada umumnya, aku juga dengerin musik di saat2 tertentu.

aku tidak pilih2 soal musik. maksudnya, mana yg enak itu yg aku dengerin. kadang tergantung mood, kalo lagi marah aku dengerinnya apa, kalo sedih apa, kalo berbunga2 apa, kalo lagi blank juga beda. biasanya kalo lagi blank ato ngantuk aku dengerin 10 hours rain sounds on window.

aku udah sortir musik2 yg aku suka buat didengerin di situasi2 tertentu. dan dalam mood apapun, kalo aku dengerin musik yg pas pasti semuanya bakal jadi lebih tenang. kalo marah bisa reda, kalo senang bisa reda juga. iya, kalo terlalu senang trus dengerin yg otakku pilih,

emosiku bisa jadi lebih netral. kalo lagi sedih trus dngerin musik bisa netral juga? ga tau soalnya aku udah hampir ga prnah sedih akhir2 ini. kecuali kemaren pas Yang, meong oyenku sakit. selebihnya paling perasaan tidak berguna aja yg lagi2 bakal baik2 aja kalo dnger musik.

kayanya kalo bicara soal musik ga akan ada habisnya. ato mungkin ini gada habisnya karna akhirnya aku gak sok iye nulis pake bhs inggris. mau sok keren tp otak mumet hadeu. intinya ya gitu, aku ga pemilih soal musik. apa aja aku dengerin asal enak di kuping dan sesuai situasi ak.

kemaren aku pernah baca quote "people with mixed music taste have the right personality for just about anything", emang iya? ga tau soalnya quote dr mama "lebih memilih denger ceramah drpada musik selalu lebih baik" yg habis ngomong tu dia nyanyi2 kokoronotomo.

day 9:
write about happiness...
berat ya kayanya kalo disuruh ngomong tentang happiness. sejauh ini aku belum tau the true meaning of happiness itu apa. kebahagiaanku sesimpel dijilatin kucing ato makan makanan favorit sampe udel geser,

nyantai depan laut kawasan (manadonese mana suaranya) sambil nyemil kentang mcd sama nyetel lagu chill2, kadang cuma bangun pagi pas hujan deras trus mandi trus treat myself trus pake kaos oblong XXL habistu rebahan lagi udah bisa bikin aku ngomong "gila bahagia banget hidupku"

tapi kalo ditanya lagi "kebahagiaan menurut kamu apa?", kayanya aku harus jawab ---- dapat my dream job di umur 23, bisa nabung, punya usaha samping kecil2an, bisa nulis buku, bisa ngasih hal2 berharga ke orang tua dan keluarga, punya kucing 2 ekor, trus nikah pas umur 26.

kayanya itu jawaban ideal hampir semua orang. tapi daripada menyebut hal2 di atas sebagai kebahagiaan kayanya itu lebih tepat disebut sbgai hal lain. kesuksesan mungkin? kesuksesan yang mendatangkan bahagia.

jadi sebenarnya aku ga tau harus ngomong apa kalo disuruh menjelaskan tentang kebahagiaan. happiness. berat, bakal panjang dan rumit banget. menjelaskan tentang kebahagiaan menjadikan hal2 yang tadinya aku harap sebagai sebuah kebahagiaan bakal bikin semuanya jadi kaya beban.

ribet ya? ga jelas.
kalo dipikir2 lagi kayanya kebahagiaan menurutku adalah bisa hidup tenang dan nyaman menjalani apapun hal yang bakal datang setiap harinya. ga ada hidup yang gak berlika-liku, dan sepertinya bakal membahagiakan kalo kita bisa menjalani hidup kaya tai di sungai

hanyut aja sampe di mana arus nyeret dia.
intinya kebahagiaan menurutku adalah ketika kita bisa menikmati dan bersyukur atas hidup. sedangkan sampe saat ini aku masih merasa hidup adalah hal terburuk yang pernah terjadi padaku.

jadi selama aku belum bisa mensyukuri hidupku, selama otakku masih menyusahkan hidupku, selama pikiran2ku belum bisa menghasilkan lebih banyak hal positif daripada negatif, selama itu pula kebahagiaan adalah hal2 yg aku sebut pertama; dijilatin kucing & pake kaos item XXL.

day 10:
why is this challenge always tell me to write shit like this? speaking about bestfriend makes me have to remember few things that i actually reject to remember. as a human i've ever had stuff called bestfriends too, i guess.

as far as i can remember, my organs were the only thing i didn't give to them. But maybe i was destined to be alone or just this world was not a good place for me, i lost a lot in such a short time. i let go of a lot of things like letting off the kite during storm winds.

even so, i start to feel good about who i am now. some people tell me to start my social life and some more mocking me as someone who not have any close friends, just like them. life teaches me so many things and being careful and sensitive in choosing those closest people,

is the most important thing in the world. i thought i was someone who was good at read and judging someone but it turns out that i always end up being taken advantage of. that's why i've become hate people. alone is always better, stay safe even if you have to hurt yourself.

now i think i have that two or three of such a people. but i don't want to call them my best friend. i prefer to call them as person who understand me and the one who always offer me food.

and thats all enough.

day 11:
i'm not in the mood to talk about them.

day 12:
i really can't write anything here because the last time i watched TV was during junior high school so... yeah.

day 13:
i actually don't really read books. i only read the ones i really like or the ones that look good, and among the few books i've read so far, i can tell that---

Untuk Matamu by Kharizunique, Hujan & Kau Aku dan Sepucuk Angpao Merah by tere liye, Tidak ada newyork hari ini & Kukila by Aan mansyur, Not so Silly Journal by naela ali, I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokpokki by Baek Se Hee dan semua buku komedi bang radit was my favorites.

day 14:
i don't really know what my style is. i think i have a simple style, i don't like a complicated dresses. i love boyfriend jeans, culottes, and "high weist longgar model korea" pants. i also in love with cargo pants but i haven't found yet the ones that suits me well.

i don't like shirts that have fringes, i don't like clothes with crowded motifs or fluffy shoulders. my clothes are almost all the same color, mostly gray, navy and black. sometimes when drying the laundry i laugh to myself seeing all the clothes i dry in black.

i also have some bright colored clothes, i simply bought them because i knew i'm a woman. i really hate white clothes because i can't keep the color. i have about 6-7 white clothes that i only wear once or twice or never,

i hang them in the cupboard until they turn yellow and then bleach them when it's the right time. i don't like wearing sandals with thin straps, i prefer to wear shoes anywhere even if it makes me blister. my shoes and sandals are also almost all black,

the rest color is according to my needs.
i always buy the wrong things, i see things good at the store then i bought them and see it ugly at home. that makes me have a lot of clothes that i haven't wear since i bought them.

day 15:
there were so many places crossed my mind. it's been a long time since i wanted to run away so bad but the universe haven't give me the chance yet. if someday i can run away then i want to go to a cold, quite, pretty, a place where no one knows me as a person,

a place that far far away from where i stand now. the list of the places i really want to run away to are south korea, new zealand and netherlands. or if it possible i want to run run run away to mars.

day 16:
i miss vivien from 7-8 years ago.

day 17:
i dont really know about this. i am truly definitely completely 100% an abstract and random mood kinda person, so i cant really tell how to wins my heart. it always depends on my mood. lately i've been reject a quite lot of guys who offer me anything they have.

but guess who's the one who got it?
he's a "not my type of man who's been admiring me since a year ago but don't even have a courage to approach me and use his guys to take me to the game and being so quite and just laugh because i did something funny

and his laugh just made my whole day" and then boom! he's won.
now he's become the one who can patiently sitting next to me on the car while i just busy with my mcd french fries and korean music played out loud. so whats the point?
i dont know. just being him. i guess.

day 18:
1. i have different name on my ktp and ijazah:)
2. i can do overthink something till it made me get sick
3. i cant swim
4. i'm afraid of ocean but i love the beach
5. i'm afraid of high but love the mountains
6. i'm afraid of lake or anything similar

7. i hate fall off hair on the floor
8. i love durian but i hate food with durian flavour
9. i love potatos
10. i love cold weather
11. 65% from 100% of my clothes are black
12. i keep stuff even a paper clip from SD
13. i prefer drink than food
14. i can stay a week without rice

15. i love when someone lay their head on me
16. i love attention but i pretend like im not
17. i've been thinking that maybe i'll not going to marry
18. i can just be a badass & cut my relation with anyone who do something that make me uncomfortable
19. its ok for me to be alone

20. i can do both nice & kind or heartless af depends on how someone treat me
21. i cant control myself when im angry
22. i dont do chitchat
23. i cant cry if there is someone
24. i do care to anything or anyone but it makes me awkward and feel weird when i show it

25. i do something in a rush then regret it after
26. my anxiety almost kill me few times
27. im a "hard to reach but when you can get my attention then i'll give you everything" kinda person
28. my family think im a quite but happy 24/7 person
29. i hate being copied

30. i always thought that it was good for me to be psychological because im a very understanding person.

day 19:
my first love was my best friend, we've been hanging out since we were 12 or 13 yo. we dated for a few months when we were in high school and broke up bc we weren't in the same school. now we are still in touch but not as close as we used to be.

day 20:
are you kidding me? its Kim fuckin taehyung.

day 21:
what is the definition of love? if you read articles or ask some people maybe the answer youll get is: love is something you feel when you are with the right person. or love is a beautiful thing, a wonderfull one.

those things are not what i think about love because if love is such a happy thing then what is the stupidity that makes some people die because of it? love is complicated, love is a mistake, love is manipulation, love is the most disgusting unreal thing in the world.

maybe love is the same thing as the illuminati or the pizza gate theory. love is an obscure thing, nothing can really prove its existence because if someone comes along with all the happy things that he has then i will show who i am and what that stupid thing has done to me.

day 22:
just like the another days, today was suck. the only thing that made me feel okay was seeing my cats eating well.

day 23:
dear vivien, it's you from the future. i know, you won't believe me. i have a chance to write a letter to someone or anyone and i chose to write something for you. i just wanted to let you know that you might be regret anything about your high school life.

don't be too cold and quiet, you can go out and enjoy the moments with people who love you. life sucks, it always be. but you are the strongest woman alive. you will go through all your struggles.

please dont walk with your insecurity, there's lots of people like you. you always thought that you're nothing, but you are something. you are fine, you're not like what you thought about yourself.

i came from 8 years from now, i know more about you than anyone. so please make a precious memory, i really need it.
go make friends and learn from them. try to be more honest about what you want, you have to say "yes" when you want something and"no" when you don't.

you thought you are an independent and strong enough but you always misjudge someone. you dont know who is sincere and who pretends to care about you. you will realize this 8 years from now when you finally choose to cut out almost all of your friends.

try to share with your parents and get used to it, they love you so much. believe me, you are going to live a better life if you listen to me.
and for future vivien, i believe you are great. thank you for whatever you've done for me.

day 24:
selama 22 tahun hidup di dunia, ada 1 hal yg benar2 aku pelajari; jangan gampang percayaan.
tidak semua orang yang membuka telinganya untukmu berarti mereka peduli.

day 24:
what do you think this pict can inspire?

25:
my school was good. i went to school bc i have to, not bc i want to.

day 26:
there are many people who inspire me, but let me put BTS on this thread. its not because they're my idol but because they really do inspire me. there are so many amazing stories behind their success, each member taught me different things. they are amazing