So, for #StarTrekDay and #StarTrekUnitedGives , here's the story of my first encounter with the Captain's chair of the U.S.S. Enterprise...

In the summer between my junior and senior years of college, I won a writing for TV competition. (It was only open to college kids, so it's not like I beat Robert Towne or something.) The grand prize was eight weeks in LA, interning on the Paramount lot.

The script I wrote to enter said competition was a Next Generation spec, so the lion's share of my time was spent interning on Star Trek. At the time, they were in pre-production on both TNG season 6 and Deep Space Nine season 1.

When I got there, I asked the person coordinating my internship if it would be possible to get a tour of the TNG sets and—fingers crossed—a picture of myself in the Captain's chair. "We'll see what we can do."

The six weeks I spent in Star Trek were wonderful, in no small part due to the people. Michael Piller, Rene Echevarria, and Jeri Taylor were lovely to this kid from St. John's University. They gave time they didn't have and wisdom they didn't need to share.

Michael, specifically, took a shine to me—eventually introducing me to @IraStevenBehr, who was busy building DS9. Ira invited me to sit in on pitches and story breaks, look at audition tapes, and read pretty much every document they had.

(Ira had a big map of the Bronx up on his wall. When I pointed out where I grew up, near Co-Op City, he smiled and said, "I knew I liked you.")

It was as close to the dream I'd get for 20 years, but it was glorious. Just before I was set to head back to NY for my senior year, I asked that coordinator about that tour. "Oh, shit. Right. You free now?"

I was shunted into a VIP tour that was already going, with a standard Paramount page tour guide. And, yeah, it was pretty sweet walking through Sick Bay and Engineering and down the one stretch of curved hallway...until, finally, the Bridge.

I asked the tour guide if I could snag a picture of myself, sitting in the Captain's chair. He very politely, but very firmly, said no fucking way: "Mr. Stewart is a Shakespearean actor and, for him, that seat is as sacred as King Lear's throne."

I have no idea if that was @SirPatStew's actual position on command furniture or just a thing they said on tours to keep the jamokes from fucking up the set. Didn't matter. No picture for me.

Dejected, I shuffled after the tour. But, whatever, that picture would've just been icing on the cake of an already phenomenal experience. Shit happens. C'est la vie.

As we're leaving the soundstage, I spy a piece of a set that's covered in a plastic tarp. The word "Relics" was stenciled on the back of the set. I looked around, no one there. I lifted the tarp and there it was...

The Bridge of the Starship Enterprise. No bloody A, B, C, or D. The OG Bridge. Kirk's Bridge...well, a third of it, anyway. They built just enough for one or two camera angles.

But the Chair was there. Kirk's chair.

I farted in Kirk's chair.

So, Happy #StarTrekDay , everybody.

PS: Flash forward 20 years. At the end of the skype meeting with @IraStevenBehr, @zakpenn, and @writergeekrhw about joining the writing staff of Alphas, Ira looked at me for a sec and said, "Hey, aren't you that kid from the Bronx?"

PPS: My first day on the job of #StarTrekPicard , I went to @TerryMatalas' office to ask him something and, in the corner, is the TNG Captain's chair. I was like, "Oh, cool replica." He said, "No, that's the real thing. Wanna sit in it?"

I couldn't do it. But I did say, "Remind me to tell you a story about me and that chair."