Ok so during OIF the chemical weapons detector went off twice. One of those times I was on the internal comms circuit listening to the forward and aft lookouts beg to be allowed to come inside the ship because they thought they were going to die. https://twitter.com/KillerMartinis/status/1303325843851292684

Replies turned off because I do not wish to read a bunch of "I'm so sorry".

Here is my position on who should receive your compassion as a result of my participation in the latest war in Iraq: https://twitter.com/east_podcast/status/1269610392554287108?s=19

ANYWAY. I was sitting there listening to this, sucking rubber through my gas mask, while we waited to find out exactly what was going on.

I have significant trauma associated with my breathing being restricted by a mask, is what I am saying.

I wear one anyway. I can do about 30 or 40 minutes at a stretch before the rising panic gets to be too much and I have to step outside and take the mask off and repeat to myself inside my head: I am not there. That is not what is happening. I am here, there is a pandemic.

And then I put the fucking mask back on and finish running my errands.

It is not fun, but neither are a great many other things I do.

There are ways to cope with trauma, including carefully managed exposure therapy, cognitive or dialectical behavioral therapy, and fucking curbside pickup. You don't get to kill people because of it.