I sincerely wish I knew more people who just... understood OCD and fucking compulsions. It’s embarrassing as hell and much like john mulaney I also do not want me to be doing what I’m doing.

Like... I will talk about anxiety and depression in a way I can’t because OCD just fills me with so much shame. My own fucked up brain is doing this to itself. There’s no good reason except my brain decided doing this was necessary.

I have compulsions I’ve never told anyone on earth about. Ever. No therapist, friend, family member, nobody. Because if they ever looked me the way I look at myself I don’t know how I’d survive.

And the few friends I do know... would probably not appreciate my texting them in the middle of the night being like “what up haven’t talked in a bit can’t turn my brain off lol*”

*please love me

Anyway people who live with compulsive behaviours are braver than the fucking marines and I never wanna see another tv character wash their hands for five minutes and call it OCD again

Where’s the character rooting through garbage or tapping things in multiples of 5 or repeating the safe phrase again and again? Rearranging things and touching things just so so your brain hits the fucking dopamine button for 1 fucking second

I’m trying to find a new therapist, I swear. But I’m under a lot of stress and my mother threw something of mine out and I’m trying v hard not to lose my entire shit 6 hours before I have to be a functioning adult.