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As someone who is trying to navigate the waters of dating, love and connection in an environment where the norms have shifted under our feet... We need to be open to exploring a multitude of options
The way that we understood meeting, connecting, and forming relationships has changed
We used to meet people in church, synagogue, school, work, through family, friends, ect...
I discourage people from dating in church (they don't like when I do that) because they start to treat the lord's house as the meat market
I'm sure you can find a nice boo thang in church... Or whatever your intentional community might be... But...I would caution us... That's not the purpose of the place...
And we can do great harm when we misuse healing spaces
Church is not the hook up house... And when we treat it as such we invite exploitation and manipulation
What I've learned in 21 years of Gospel ministry... The saints ain't the only somebody's that make it to the holy house... Satan go to church too.
You can get preyed on by what you prayed for
I do a yearly thread about why you shouldn't date YO PASSA
Minister, preacher, ect... Cause they yo preacher and you are dating within a dynamic of a power imbalance
What we were attempting to create by suggesting that people date within certain institutions... Were shares behaviors, ethics and values... Consistent within the members of those institutions
Qualities that could be relied upon because they were products of the aforementioned institutions... "That's a good man because _____"
"that's a good woman because she a church going"
Because we know that some people will be harmful will be toxic will be manipulative will be exploitative in relationship and we're trying to shield the people that we love from harm
I would venture to say that This misuse of faith spaces is responsible for pastors packaging themselves as relationship counselor, life coaches, and motivational speakers with very little ability to communicate the gospel of Jesus Christ.
All the one night stand, soul tie, pinky swear promise... Foolishness is a byproduct of exploitative faith spaces.
Instead of building compassionate communities rooted in justice... We have cultivated a culture that has made idols and obsessions of finding a 
man
man
Beloved... Him ain't in there
Or her...
Now... He she them... Very well maybe in there... But you see how that's not what it's for???
Just like your job... You go inner hunting... You gonna abuse the intent of the place... That's why y'all be in HR. Looking for love instead of cashing checks
Beloved...I wish I could make this easy for you... Hell I wish I could make it easy for me. But dating is hard
Relationships are hard
There is no perfect place to find you a boo thang
There is no perfect approach
You can abstain.... You can have casual sex... You can wait.... You can say the wait is over. You can shoot your shot, you can wait to be shot at (figuratively) ... But there is no magic, formula, or secret sauce (
) to crack the relationship code
) to crack the relationship code
Some people don't went on and had sex on their first date and had successful relationships
some people was waiting on God to send them a husband or wife and they decided that they wasnt going to give it up and give in and give out and give over until the Lord gave them a mate and they still waiting and that's all right to
However you want to approach this thing I want you to know God trust you to make decisions that are good for you that's called free will
So no Michelle Obama is not right
Be gentle with yourself in dating. take some seasons off. every season ain't a season for you to be out here. Healing is required for you to be your best self
Do the spiritual emotional and psychological work necessary to present yourself as an optimal partner in a relationship. That's all you can do
The best laid plans... You still might end up solo the dolo... If you don't get no boo... Still Committ yourself to being lit, looking fly, having all the orgasms, stacking yo bread, and living a life of generosity and compassion.
My spiritual advice is... Do you.
*done
