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SO the psych report from hospital come through...
Wouldn't it be amazing if we could write our own? So when they came to assess me I was half naked under a blanket as id been soaked by the rain, already feeling vulnerable all I wanted them to do was leave me. They saw me in a...
Wouldn't it be amazing if we could write our own? So when they came to assess me I was half naked under a blanket as id been soaked by the rain, already feeling vulnerable all I wanted them to do was leave me. They saw me in a...
cubicle, where everyone could hear every word. I was drowsy & TERRIFIED they were going to section me. It took every ounce of energy I had to lie to them, tell them I was okay, didnt need them & beg to go home. All I could think of was being handcuffed in the back of an...
ambulance being sent 200 miles away to London again (which happened before) My only way to escape psychiatry/section was to lie & say I made a mistake & I was feeling absolutely fine & safe. Luckily thats what they reported... but how awful is it you have to lie to the people...
who are 'there to help' after a SU attempt through utter fear your going to be locked away. Thats not helpful or supportive. I told them outright they would NOT hospitalise me & she smirked. I did manage to get in about the medical model though, which she noted...
So I had a random lady & guy sit in an A&E cubicle with me for everyone to hear, I felt vulnerable as I was half naked with nurses pulling up my gown every 30mins to check heart monitor leads. I'd just tried to take my life & was being threatened to be locked away in hospital...
of course I lied & told them I was safe. Because I knew I was safer with my thoughts & intentions than being trapped in psychiatry again. So I was discharged on condition I kept with @LeedsWCTS for support. Who have now dropped me and told me to come back when well 
says a great deal when the services that pride themselves being there to support MH, & will prob post loads on #SuicidePreventionMonth make you terrified to the bone to speak openly about whats going on in your mind through fear of being drugged, locked away &sent miles from home
That feeling of utter dread, fear (of being hospitalised in psychiatry) is up there with the worse fears ever. I refused to see them but told I HAD to. I was literally shaking with fear - that is NOT a 'theraputic' service
I initially outright refused to see the psych team. The doctor said that I couldn't refuse & he had to speak to someone higher. The absolute terror that ran through me, the thought of being trapped in psychiatry. That is NOT 'theraputic'
So what would have helped that night? Space & time to come round, Id been unconscious hoping Id be dead. A safe place to talk. Having the dignity of being dressed. A space/opportunity to talk openly were I felt it would be mutal, not a rock box exercise & not threats of inpatient
Respecting my wishes for my 'diagnosis' not to be included in any reports as I don't identity with it, but they were, including that I was experiencing active psychotic symptoms. Swear they've got a label for everything.
