I’ve been trying to disentangle myself from unhealthy perfectionism for years. Perfectionism is totally different from the persuit of excellence. Perfectionism is a fear of not being “enough,” a fear of something that doesn’t even exist. 1/

I think it has something to do with why I avoided sports growing up, not so much because I disliked them, but because I hated being so bad at them. In the last decade I’ve tried to embrace activities I’m not particularly good at it 2/

In my first year at Harvard Med, terrified of how inadequate I would feel in comparison to my peers, I tried to lean into that feeling rather than hide from it. I signed up for swim class at the Y. I knew how to not drown, but didn’t know proper strokes or how to swim laps 3/

I did the crawl ok but I couldn’t figure out breaststroke. I told them swim teacher I just didn’t want to work on breaststroke anymore. I liked the crawl. It was enough for me. She told me sternly that if I didn’t learn breaststroke, I couldn’t advance to intermediate swim 4/

To my great delight, I didn’t care. I was good enough at swimming that I could enjoy laps in the pool. I didn’t feel like I’d “failed” and *that* was my big accomplishment. 5/

In these pandemic days, my sister sent me a watercolor kit. Art is something I think of myself as bad at. But I discovered watercolor is fun! So I got a lot of supplies and thought I’d found such a great hobby. 6/

But yesterday, perfectionism came raging back. My paintings were so far from what I wanted them to be, I couldn’t even enjoy playing with the colors and trying something new. I know I’m *supposed to* have a growth mindset. I know I’m supposed to just relax. 7/

Now I’m realizing my perfectionist tendencies are coming out in my efforts to overcome my perfectionism. Oh the irony. The journey continues. For today, here’s to embracing being a beginner and remembering not to take myself and my little hobbies so seriously

maybe I just needed to post this whole thread to the twitter world so I could chill out and enjoy my watercolors. I guess that’s how my brain works Anyway, I had fun making these