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5 days to go... so it's time for the last pre-season
FPL STATS OF SHITHOUSERY {YARN}
The subject? Which players do I under NO CIRCUMSTANCES actually want in my week one drafts?
And why you shouldn't want them either.
Dive in
FPL STATS OF SHITHOUSERY {YARN}
The subject? Which players do I under NO CIRCUMSTANCES actually want in my week one drafts?
And why you shouldn't want them either.
Dive in
THE KEEPERS I WOULDN'T TOUCH WITH A PATREON
LLORIS - 5.5m
Comically overpriced for a keeper who is the best in the world once every sixth game, and liable to injure himself via a calamitous error in the other five. Eric Dier is 5m with goal threat and added BEEF. Hard pass.
LLORIS - 5.5m
Comically overpriced for a keeper who is the best in the world once every sixth game, and liable to injure himself via a calamitous error in the other five. Eric Dier is 5m with goal threat and added BEEF. Hard pass.
KEPA - 5m
A keeper who doesn't make saves. He's like the anti Petr Cech. Point and laugh as shots from all ranges fly past Chelsea's answer to a dying Giraffe. Who cares if Chelsea have added Silva and Chilwell when they concede from 50% of all shots? Lads. What you doing...
A keeper who doesn't make saves. He's like the anti Petr Cech. Point and laugh as shots from all ranges fly past Chelsea's answer to a dying Giraffe. Who cares if Chelsea have added Silva and Chilwell when they concede from 50% of all shots? Lads. What you doing...
LUIZ - 5.5m
Arsenal have improved defensively. But there is still little that appeals about paying a premium figure for a player who has as many sending offs as goals. There is much better value in the Arsenal defence and after the first 2 fixtures they go on a horrible run. No.
Arsenal have improved defensively. But there is still little that appeals about paying a premium figure for a player who has as many sending offs as goals. There is much better value in the Arsenal defence and after the first 2 fixtures they go on a horrible run. No.
STEPHENS - 5m
5m when you can pay 4.5m for KWP or McCarthy? No. Expect him to bullet in a header week one, rise to 5.3 and then get sent off the week later.
These things happen every year.
5m when you can pay 4.5m for KWP or McCarthy? No. Expect him to bullet in a header week one, rise to 5.3 and then get sent off the week later.
These things happen every year.
CRESSWELL - 5m
Oh Aaron, for a while you looked like you had it all. An attacking full back playing for a team who score from set pieces and keep clean sheets. That's the dream.
Sadly, West Ham is the reality. He has kept just 6 clean sheets in TWO seasons with one assist.
Oh Aaron, for a while you looked like you had it all. An attacking full back playing for a team who score from set pieces and keep clean sheets. That's the dream.
Sadly, West Ham is the reality. He has kept just 6 clean sheets in TWO seasons with one assist.
MENDY - 6m
Are people really going to do this again? He got 2 assists the whole of last season, plays every third game and hasn't scored in his career.
Look I love the guy. But Pep clearly doesn't. Please let's not all get suckered into this expensive bandwagon again.
Are people really going to do this again? He got 2 assists the whole of last season, plays every third game and hasn't scored in his career.
Look I love the guy. But Pep clearly doesn't. Please let's not all get suckered into this expensive bandwagon again.
BRYAN - 5m
Five million for a Fulham defender. Still waiting for this typo to be corrected @OfficialFPL
Five million for a Fulham defender. Still waiting for this typo to be corrected @OfficialFPL
JAHANBAKHSH - 5.5m
17/18 7m.
18/19 6m.
19/20 5.5m.
Has any player been subjected to more discriminatory pricing than this poor lad. He doesn't even play. Give him a break. At least make him 4.5m for some off the bench banter. Some people actually own him. Why...
17/18 7m.
18/19 6m.
19/20 5.5m.
Has any player been subjected to more discriminatory pricing than this poor lad. He doesn't even play. Give him a break. At least make him 4.5m for some off the bench banter. Some people actually own him. Why...
TORRES - 7m
More expensive than Phil Foden, less likely to start and with worse stats. Plus we all know Pep loves to drip people into the league over their first few months. Could be a great price with a few injuries second half of the season. But now? Good lord no.
More expensive than Phil Foden, less likely to start and with worse stats. Plus we all know Pep loves to drip people into the league over their first few months. Could be a great price with a few injuries second half of the season. But now? Good lord no.
LO CELSO - 7m
No goals, an assist every 8 hours and the same price as Grealish, Maddison and James van de fucking Beek.
What on earth went on here? You can get Alli for 1m more who has like 100 Premier League returns.
Fucking madness.
No goals, an assist every 8 hours and the same price as Grealish, Maddison and James van de fucking Beek.
What on earth went on here? You can get Alli for 1m more who has like 100 Premier League returns.
Fucking madness.
DAN JAMES - 6.5m
Fancy a guy who will come off the bench to stretch the game in the last 15 minutes? Hell, sometimes he might break away one on one and show the composure of Matt Hancock in an interview. What an absolute waste of a fucking spot.
Fancy a guy who will come off the bench to stretch the game in the last 15 minutes? Hell, sometimes he might break away one on one and show the composure of Matt Hancock in an interview. What an absolute waste of a fucking spot.
JOTA - 6.5m
Needs a 3 month pre-season to warm up and remember what game he's playing. Will be fucking golden around November, pile the fuck on then. More streaky than an truck full of bacon.
Needs a 3 month pre-season to warm up and remember what game he's playing. Will be fucking golden around November, pile the fuck on then. More streaky than an truck full of bacon.
TOWNSEND - 6m
You remember when he was an England regular lashing in piledrivers from 30 yards? When he left Spurs because they didn't play him enough? No me neither.
A player who is so average he could be a Hollywood sequel.
You remember when he was an England regular lashing in piledrivers from 30 yards? When he left Spurs because they didn't play him enough? No me neither.
A player who is so average he could be a Hollywood sequel.
DJENEPO/BOUFAL - 5.5m
Like a pair of charity shop Nani's.
I would rather have a sex party with @MorpheusFire than include either of them in my team ever again.
Like a pair of charity shop Nani's.
I would rather have a sex party with @MorpheusFire than include either of them in my team ever again.
LACAZETTE - 8.5m
What is going on with Laca? I thought he was leaving? Is he going to play? Is Eddie first choice now? Nobody knows do they.
This has starts week one, scores a brace and becomes the most transferred player in the game written all over it.
What is going on with Laca? I thought he was leaving? Is he going to play? Is Eddie first choice now? Nobody knows do they.
This has starts week one, scores a brace and becomes the most transferred player in the game written all over it.
SHARP - 6m
You could be riding the unstoppable CHE-TRAIN or paying the same cash for the odd cameo from a club mascot.
Why in the name of god is he 6m? He's 34 with 3 Premier League goals.
You could be riding the unstoppable CHE-TRAIN or paying the same cash for the odd cameo from a club mascot.
Why in the name of god is he 6m? He's 34 with 3 Premier League goals.
MUTO - 5m
Once the most touted pre-season player in FPL history. Pretty sure Tom at @WGTA_FPL dedicated an entire pod to him once. He has played 700 minutes of football in 2 years with a single return.
Perhaps he should, you know... move on...
Once the most touted pre-season player in FPL history. Pretty sure Tom at @WGTA_FPL dedicated an entire pod to him once. He has played 700 minutes of football in 2 years with a single return.
Perhaps he should, you know... move on...
CALVERT-LEWIN - 7m
DCL had 85 chances last season and 27 big chances. He is good in the air, quick, strong and takes up good positions.
His conversion rate however, is terrible. 15% for the season, 0% post restart.
He can't shoot. And that is his job.
DCL had 85 chances last season and 27 big chances. He is good in the air, quick, strong and takes up good positions.
His conversion rate however, is terrible. 15% for the season, 0% post restart.
He can't shoot. And that is his job.
He also creates nothing. A single assist all season? The only first choice strikers who convert less of their chances are Firmino and Jimenez (surprisingly) - they got 14 assist between them and create lots.
What is the point of him? Why do so many people own him?
What is the point of him? Why do so many people own him?
Is this collective delusion? @FPL__Raptor what's the psychology on this? FOMO? Yes the stats are good but watching him try and score is like using sandpaper as a sponge to clean yourself with? Just so fucking painful. Richarlison is a miles better option in the same team.
I just want to know what is driving this? Did nobody watch him post the restart where he missed 5 virtual open goals in 8 games? Where he looked like a player who couldn't find the goal with a pre-programmed sat nav?
But his xG?
Fuck his xG. He's absolutely garbage. Stop it.
But his xG?
Fuck his xG. He's absolutely garbage. Stop it.
Citation:
It is your team. Do not listen to anyone but yourself. Trust your methods, trust your gut and once the season starts... for heaven's sake watch some football and enjoy it.
See you on the other side. Even DCL.
HM
#chetrain
It is your team. Do not listen to anyone but yourself. Trust your methods, trust your gut and once the season starts... for heaven's sake watch some football and enjoy it.
See you on the other side. Even DCL.
HM
#chetrain
