okay s2 time https://twitter.com/broyeanice/status/1302658164941295621

if the apocalypse happened april first that was one hell of an april fool’s joke

dunno what it is about a fight scene happening to sinatra’s “my way” that makes it hit harder than when it’s any catchy fun pop song

also the nuclear mushroom cloud being umbrella-shaped is a great visual

oh god an amnesiac plotline

they just referenced mysterio are comics real here

oh my god is ben gonna be more relevant are you serious are u blessing

chxjbcjhdjddj sulky cover of gnarls barkley’s “crazy” playing during an asylum scene

s2 ep 1 ends on luther saying “i don’t give a shit.” really embodying the umbrac spirit

great news. i slept in a bad position and now the right side of my face hurts to move. we spent a bit too much money on horror movies yesterday so i’m gonna stick to netflix and i have a morbid curiosity for seeing how this will end so. here we go again

the fish in the person suit smokes?

mold: milk
gold: meth juice

i hate luther’s new hairstyle so fucking much. i’m not sure if it’s actually new but he looks like a small cactus

vanya bi? vanya wlw?

umbrella academy be like. time to kill off characters in the most narratively unsatisfying ways and later bring them back in the dumbest ways possible

please let ben be relevant please let ben be relevant

the scene where he lifts up klaus and to everyone it looks like klaus is just floating in the air is darkly fitting

luther being followed around by some little kids that bully him and call him king kong is funny as shit

oh it’s so nice to see them actually caring about each other

bully five more often i don’t care if it’s false cuz he’s actually 58 or if it’s a low blow. he is indeed a lippy little shit

1. he probably shanked u because u were following him alone in the dead of night
2. unrelated is diego packing?

lol get fucked incest boy

is it considered stalking to go back in time to meet ur gay lover before he ever met u

why don’t any of these people think ahead *just* a little bit. i know time travel is headache-inducing but come on now dumbass

i think using mind control to end racism is ethical

me: hm. this is too peaceful and there’s a mellow song playing. there’s probably a bullshit twist coming. it’s probably lila-related like she’s actually a double agent for somebody
umbrella academy: (does that bullshit twist)
me: how did i know

like sorry for spoilers but in being so so irreverent and twisty umbrac is beginning to get predictable, becoming the very thing it seems to hate

i know i just ordered for your parents to be executed but i’m just hoping you didn’t notice that. anyway wanna be my daughter?

ellen page is so short. the actor for five is taller than her

ngl. i’m surprised klaus hadn’t experienced homophobia yet

allison i’m begging you to end racism

oh my god every time five smiles his ears go up the actor’s got those muscles

are you fucking kidding me we’re still doing the incest thing

my sexuality is lila pulling diego down an entire hallway by his tie

klaus: false jesus
vanya: true jesus

VANYA BI VANYA BI VANY A BI BANYA BIR AVANY ABI VANY A BI VANYA BI VANYA BI!!!!!!!!

fuck spoilers. vanya bi. i expect this to end in tragedy

i like how both seasons have luther getting high in some way after some tragedy

five literally a season ago u teleported like a shit-ton of times in a fight. do u remember. istanbul not constantinople was playing for some reason

oh my god shut up. baby pogo lore

you should’ve come up with a convincing backstory, stupid

1. ben is literally only there to be the angel on klaus’s shoulder that doesn’t get listened to most of the time
2. tenderly waking up in the afternoon, the low sun’s rays pouring through the windows, wrapped in some peach sheets with her sapphic lover. poetic cinema

“at least he didn’t shank my ass.”
“no bro, he shanked your heart.”

did harlan figure out vanya’s powers and how they’re connected to her emotions faster than anyone else in the show

ungrateful bastards won’t eat their rainbow gelatin slop

“did we all get sexier?” yes, everyone except allison

oh my god the swedes actually care for the cats that’s so cute

why is diego so fixated on making sure nothing bad ever happens to the kennedys

luther wants to accuse someone of having daddy issues? lmao

klaus: hey wouldn’t it be weird if five grew up all hot?
allison: what? ew
klaus: oh please miss “luther was my lover”

commenting on the incest doesn’t make it better,, i hope you guys finally stop trying to make luther and allison happen

a bomb went off and every part of his body went flying (as bodies tend to react to bombs), except his foot. his foot a little below the knee stayed perfectly on the ground with exposed bone and for some reason it’s fucking hilarious to me

IS THAT A ROCK COVER OF BAD GUY BY BILLIE EYELASH

vanya it’s the 1960s in dallas do you know how homophobic your area is

“viking” funeral where they set a boat on fire with an arrow. it’s got 1 human foot on it. a swedish cover of “hello” by adele is playing

okay i’m actually invested in allison and her husband because that seems a thousand times better and healthier than her and luther. also he’s neat

oh thank god finally allison lore

well that didn’t last long

five HATES jazz confirmed

wonder woman exists in the umbrac universe confirmed

Unharm my weiner.

luther ripping his shirt off apropos of nothing

so did ben come back to life or was that just a momentary possession and klaus is still the only one that can see him. either way you guys are very nonchalant about this

umbrac stranger things
“you see this likable character? (kills them off)”

oh this is the “five goes apeshit over candy for no reason” scene

these people learned homer in the original greek yet don’t recognize written swedish

i love her outfits so much

[Five whooshes away]

ben is finally relevant but 1. is hetero 2. due to ghostly circumstances is portrayed by klaus’s actor

BEN DIED A VIRGIN? MEANWHILE KLAUS IS FUCKING EVERY WEEK

this scene

the sense of nervous dread when the white violin notes start playing in the bg

klaus: good at improv, quites wisdom from the hit song TLC - waterfalls
ben: bad at improv, quotes the opening to backstreet’s back

either this fight scene set to backstreet’s back will be GODLY or SHIT

this is poetic cinema in my opinion, a violent death set to backstreet boys

yeah i speak russian and english, but if it makes you feel better i also speak greek, spanish, probably latin at this rate

was pretty cool how vanya nearly sucked that man dry :)

“not everyone here likes you.”
“sounds ridiculous, but go on.”

(reginald hargreeves voice) i miss my wife, diego.

“are you still mad about that, you big baby?”
“no, i love being drugged and kidnapped and threatened with murder.”

back at it again at the apocalypse! (backflips into an fbi building and it explodes)

the cannibalism is fun but there should be a disclaimer that brains are just fatty tissue a la raw bacon with some salty broth

oh i was worried they were gonna pull “harlan has magic autism” or w/e

playing an upbeat pop song that fits the situation even a little makes it 100x more enjoyable to me. anyway i’m going to fight my double while dancing with myself plays in the bg

i fucking hqte this show

baby white violin. white fiddle? white ukelele?

official umbrella academy vore?

klaus: jfk gay as hell for falling asleep with jackie’s phat ass in front of him

gerard way has played two (2) of his own songs in umbrac

i like how everyone has the same default black umbrella except reginald, who has a rounder version with more sections

types of commission agents
- normal people
- furries

but ALL of them have HORRIBLE aim

white violin viola and cello i guess

this is so fucking dumb. umbrac explain

lilas be like (gets lied to) (gets manipulated) (is lied to) (is manipulated)

oh my god vanya in 2019 there’s gay people in kids’ cartoons and gay marriage is legal it’s literally fine. shut up. fuck the status quo and let vanya keep her wife

i wonder what emotion that ending is supposed to make me feel that isn’t “this may as well be happening”