Vivian has decided to work part time at a school program that helps the kids who are doing online classes. I am so so so sorry. LOL

My mother is the tee total worst employee and you just have to trust me on this. I feel so sorry for these poor people.

Did I ever tell you the story of the time she decided to volunteer at a library?? OMG

So you know we love libraries. It’s our thing. Vivian must have told me a million times how amazing it would be to work in one. Well, she finally decided to do it! She was maybe between husbands? Who can remember. She had free time, is the point.

So she marches into the main library branch and sweet talks someone. She makes me fill out her online application. I remember that. There may have been a spelling test of some sort? All for what amounted to a 5-10 hour a week senior job.

She gets it all done. And goes in for her first day. I’m not sure if she imagined it would entail READING the books? But I think so. Because the first thing they ask her to do is push one of those carts to a back room. The big book carts.

You know. Manual labor.

She fancies herself a team player so she pretends she is up for it. I know better. You see, I’ve met my mother. But okay, the first shift is humming along. Well the main branch is like many in urban areas in that it attracts - shall we say - a cross-section of society.

Homeless men. There are a lot of homeless men.

And I don’t know if you know the kinds of things that homeless men like to do in libraries but well...

Now is a good time to mention that Vivian likes to switch around in high heels, even while doing manual labor. My uncle calls it a strut, much to my aunt’s consternation.

So Vivian is switching around the urban library branch and the homeless men take notice. And they make sure she takes notice of them taking notice.

Y’all, this story involves masturbation. The homeless men. Not Vivian.

Vivian lasted one week. It was maybe five years before she would even visit the main branch again. The bloom was off that rose, we might say.