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A testimony—A thread
My intuition and my naʻau (my gut) has led me though most of my life, and throughout my whole time in the Church. I did a lot of things because they felt right, and I like doing good.
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My intuition and my naʻau (my gut) has led me though most of my life, and throughout my whole time in the Church. I did a lot of things because they felt right, and I like doing good.
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Lately, my naʻau has been telling me that some of the things “I knew to be true,” have turned to, “well that might be true” to even, “that doesnʻt sit right with me.”
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I chose to serve a mission because I wanted to. I chose to go to BYU because I wanted to go. And I chose to be active in Church, and to serve faithfully in my assignments because I wanted to.
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And now, I choose to sit on the sidelines, because some things with the Church doesnʻt sit right with me, because now I feel that is what is best for me.
One of the things I miss the most about Church is going to the temple.
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One of the things I miss the most about Church is going to the temple.
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Now, everyone has their own opinions about the temple, but I grew up within walking distancing the Lā’ie Hawaiʻi Temple. I would see it every day, and you could see it from my elementary. When I was finally able to go in, I was so happy.
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Mormons really do their best when they build a temple. They are usually beautiful, stunning, and a place of peace. As a queer man, that is something I have chosen to forgo.
As a queer man, it is so easy to feel ostracized and left out of the Church.
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As a queer man, it is so easy to feel ostracized and left out of the Church.
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But choosing to live authentically has given me more joy than being in good standing with the institution of the Church.
Most days I feel like the, “prodigal son.”
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Most days I feel like the, “prodigal son.”
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Selling my inheritance (heaven) and going off into the city (I lived in San Francisco for a whole year) to spend all my money of “riotous living.” Although I do not know if I will be coming back to the institution of the Church anytime soon,
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I take comfort in the fact that that the Father in the story loved his son sooooo much. When the son returned, he didnʻt even have time to apologize. The father saw him from afar off and ran to him, “fell on his neck kissed him.”
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His father made his servants bring his best robes, the Robes of the Holy Priesthood, and gave them to his son to wear. He told everyone that could hear, “For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.
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And they began to be merry.”
Although I might not know where I stand with the Church, I continue to choose to believe in Father, and a Saviour in Heaven that will look at me with nothing but compassion and love.
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Although the Church might have taken away my Priesthood Robes, I have faith that my Father will one day let me borrow His, and will invite into His house. Until that day, I will continue to love God, love His children, and to do good in the world.
#fastandtestimony
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