Suicide, self harm//

Ok uh
I know this is my art account and stuff but really I have no where else to post this and I just- really need to vent?? I feel like a trash fire.

I've genuinely had thoughts of offing myself and hurting myself in the last month. It's been pretty-

-fucking rough if I'm being honest. Life is shit. The world is shit. I feel like im crying for help but no one is really hearing me.

And while I've been thinking about how much I don't want to be alive- I don't think I would have to courage to end my own life.

I feel like the world doesn't need another bullshit excuse for a human being- who has so little motivation for anything that he gives up half way through the first try.

I'm almost half way through high school and I barely know what I gonna do with my life.
I feel like a huge-

-fucking failure.

And I know I have friends.
I have the best boyfriend I could ever ask for but.. i guess nothing is enough for me
My brain keeps second guessing itself. I can barely tell if I'm lying to myself or not sometimes.

I'm second guessing this entire thread. I know-

-that I have been thinking about how much better things might be if I was gone. But saying/writing it makes it feel like it's fake.

This whole vent is all over the place and I haven't said half the things I wanna say because I'm genuinely afraid of the internet.

But there is so much more going on than what I say in this thread. So much.
I could write a damn series of heavy novels about all the things that make me feel like no one.

But I don't have to time, energy or motivation to even leave my bed. So good lick with that I guess

I'll delete this tomorrow probably

Like I do with most of my vent posts.