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I've been struggling with what I now realise is / was burnout on top of cov!d-related stress and underlying negative thought patterns, but recently I've been actively learning about what I can do to cope / get better (thread)
I think a huge part of recovering was just staying away from my phone; I couldn't quit cold turkey, but I uninstalled the apps that brought triggered negative thought patterns. Uninstalling the twitter app had the biggest positive effect on my mood.
I could still access twitter, but I had to use chrome to do so. I removed all shortcuts to insta, so I'd have to consciously make a choice to scroll my app list to open it. I've uninstalled FGO, bc I honestly didn't associate positive feelings with it.
Now it's about mindfully using the phone and asking myself why I picked it up. For what purpose am I unlocking my phone? Is it habit? is it because of an emotional/situational trigger? E.g. I'm stressed I want a distraction, or it's just habit to scroll while in a queue.
Re: associated feelings. There's a username that whenever I saw, I would remember a moment when I felt insignificant & would trigger negative self-talk. Why expose myself to a reminder of something that made me feel bad? By unfollowing I removed that trigger.
Besides removing triggers of negative self-talk, by staying away from my phone I've found more time to do actual things I've been putting off by saying "I don't have time".
One of the things I've been doing more is journaling. Ironically I don't write it out, instead I have a secret chat with myself on telegram. Somehow the words flow freer that way and it makes me feel like I'm venting to someone instead of just stewing in my thoughts.
I've also been living in a mess of packing materials and disorganised merch- finally I'm starting to clear my living space one surface at a time, and each tidied corner makes me feel like I can breathe a bit better. Displaying merch I like reminds me of happy thoughts!
Generally it boils down to being more mindful- easier said than done but picking up the thread of negative feeling / resistance and following it to the source is easier when I think about it in third person (pls don't have this convo out loud lol)
When I'm tempted to leave clean laundry in the basket: "I don't want to do it now I can do something else." But I know i'll feel guilty and useless every time I have to walk around that basket. Why doesn't Ana want to keep the laundry? Because Ana has to fold it all and there's
no surface to do the folding. Ana has to clear a surface before she folds the laundry. The surface has some unsorted bills/official letters. Ana doesn't want to sort through the reminders of bills to pay, but Ana has to pay them anyway and it'll take 5 minutes to do that online.
It's all small things, but starting somewhere and realising that small tasks can be done empowers me to finish them, reminds me that I'm capable. Frees up brain space for other things, like being creative and having actual ideas.
Taking a step back from social media just showed me how uncomfortable I was with myself and my situation to the point that I'd rather escape into an attention black hole that I didn't even enjoy. Being present and mindful of what I was giving my attention to is hard?
Breathing mindfully for a minute helps, it's like interrupting the negative feed that's going on in my brain- when I'm done breathing properly I have that mental space to think, "ah, that didn't make me feel good" and take action to prevent that thought spiral again.
