MULAN JELEEEE~

KEMBALIKAN 2 JAM HIDUPKU YANG TERBUANG PERCUMA

though I should've known this ever since they slapped Liu Yifei's forehead with Huawei logo https://twitter.com/suppitweets/status/1148005522425049088?s=19

Ini kayak ngalamin mimpi buruk Memoirs of a Geisha all over again

Cina dari mata orang Barat yang cuma kenal Cina dari film2 Barat juga

Bentar, makan dulu.
Patah hati gue.
Jadi laper

JADI BEGINI

Belom mulen udah lelah hayati

Jangan salah.

It all started so promising.
FOR LIKE THE WHOLE FIRST 60 SECONDS OF IT.

And then the nightmares began.

THAT'S?
NOT?
HOW?
IT?
WORKS?

Dasar rangoang bulay ini mentalnya biasa dikit2 "Chosen One" atau "The One"... Pokoknya serba instan.

Konsep qi di sini jadi melenceng ke versi begonya:

The Force

There are such things as 'talent' and 'luck' in cultivation. Perhaps you have the correct bone structures, or your meridians are extraordinarily wider than normal, etc.

But the point is you CULTIVATE it.
It doesn't just drop from outta nowhere and make you The Chosen One

Tapi yah, dari sini aja udah cringey sih

Like, what makes Mulan special is the fact that

SHE IS A WOMAN
who LEADS A GODDAMN ARMY

and not because she has the chi/qi or whatever bullshit this is.

Ah ya sudahlah.
Namanya film anak2.
Biar simpel aja kali ya

/hela napas/
/lanjut/

MARI KITA NIKMATI KOSTUMNY—

。。。。。。

YEAH NOPE

Kalo dari mikepnya sih KAYAKNYA ini Dinasti Tang ya.

ᵇᵘᵗ ᶦᵗ ʷᵃˢ ˢᵒ ᵘᵍˡᵉᵉᵉʰ

Mari kita lihat kostum Dinasti Tang dari pelem Detective Dee:

More Detective Dee:

Ini dari salah satu siris paporitkuh The Longest Day in Chang'an:

I-I don't even know what Mulan was wearing. It started as Tang but somewhere from the waist down it regressed to—Qin Dynasty?¿

ᵇᵘᵗ ᶦᵗ ʷᵃˢ ˢᵒ ᵘᵍˡᵉᵉᵉʰ

What a waste of Cheng Peipei

UDAH BRENTI NONTON KALO TANTE GONG LI GA MUNCUL

AGAIN WITH THE FORCE—I mean THE CHI (۳ ˚Д˚)۳

SALAH FRANCHISE WOY

ᵇᵘᵗ ˢᶦʳ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ʷᵉʳᵉ ᵒⁿˡʸ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᵗʷᵉˡᵛᵉ ᴿᵒᵘʳᵃⁿˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉˀ

TANTE AKU PADAMU TANTEEE~

Drinking Game:
TAKE A SWIG EVERY TIME THEY MENTION 'HONOUR'

Hmmm kira2 apa yang bisa kita lakukan untuk memastikan penonton tau ini setingnya di Cina?

Oh aku tahu

LET'S JUST PUT
RED LANTERNS
RED LANTERNS
EVERYWHERE

Okelah kamp latiannya cukup menjanjikan (ง'̀⌣'́)ง

Bayanganku akan jumlah pasukan yang keluar dari kamp ini:

... Yang aku dapat:

SELURUH CINA BAGIAN PAGARSIH AMA CIBADAK AJA JUMLAHNYA LEBIH DARI INI YAOLOH

oh look.
YIP MAN.

I like her male name tho

Cowok gak akan ngerti nikmatnya pulang ke rumah lalu lepas beha.

Beha sendiri ya bukan beha orang lain.

My ancestors when they see me:

Oh look.
THIO SAM HONG.

Look at this supposedly-brimming-with-unresolved-sexual-tension scene...

... ANYEP.

Compared to this, from the movie Hua Mulan with Zhao Wei & Chen Kun:

PILEM ANAK2, SUPPI.

IT
DOESN'T
WORK
LIKE
THAT

Oh look.
CHIRRUT IMWE.

... IYA TAU SALAH FRANCHISE.

They went to war and found another battalion completely annihilated and I've stopped caring because at this point my soul had long vacated my body.

... AKU CAPEK GAIS.

OH THANK GOD IT'S OVER

... AW FUCK.

MANA ADA MAU KELAHI MALAH LEPAS KONDE KELILIPAN HEEEYYY

TEMEN-TEMEN LO MASIH DI BAWAH MULAN GOBLO

THIS HOW WE KNOW THE WESTERNERS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS MESS

I MEAN HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE MALES OF WUXIA DRAMAS

Bagusnya Mulan versi animasi adalah dia ketauan cewek bukan karena rambutnys gondrong secara semua laki jaman itu ya gondrong tapi gara2 dia

PUNYA TETE

Buat apa susah2 kembenan & mandi diem2 kalo lepas konde aja udah ketauan sih.

'HoNouRrrRR'

OKE MULAIN TIPSY GAIS

AKHIRNYA ADA PEMAIN FIGURAAAAANNN

... lalu bajetnya abis.
Pantesan throne room kok jele dan surem dan sempit gini.

I MEAN—

INI KAISAR UDAH MISKIN GOBLO PULA

why is this slimy dude the only reasonable person in the entire movie

Kalo doyan nonton wuxia pasti kenal sama gang ini

(hint: Ning Que got his ass handed to him by a flying fried chicken here)

NAH 'KAN KETANGKEP 'KAN
JADI BACANG 'KAAAAN

UDAH MISKIN NGEREPOTIN LAGI

LOH FIGURANNYA ILANG SEMUA

DISNEY GA ADA BAJET MULAN

THAT'S IT?
THAT'S THE WHOLE IMPERIAL GUARDS?

WHERE ARE THE DALISI?
JINWUWEI???

BLOODY WESTERNERS

ᵇᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ʷᵉʳᵉ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᵒⁿˡʸ ᵗʷᵉˡᵛᵉ ᴿᵒᵘʳᵃⁿˢ ʰᵉʳᵉ ᴹᵘˡᵃⁿ

SERIOUSLY THO

THERE WERE ONLY LIKE
SIX OF THEM??

APANYA YANG 4 OUNCES CAN MOVE A 1000 POUNDS KEHED

TANTE GONG LI

I HATE IT HERE

ini efek burem2 apaan sih maksudnya CHIIIII~ gitu kali ya

yeh he ded who cares

HALAH PADA KE MANA KALIAN TADI HAH GILIRAN PARTY PARTY AJA PADA NONGOL

The imperial women looked—surprisingly okay.

WHAT A WASTE OF MINGNA WEN

LAAaaNNNnnTttEeeEeRrRnnssSS

Bahan sofa dipake jubah WHY

TUKANG BAKPAO ENAK DI BANDUNG NIH

/LALU MENINGGAL KERACUNAN ALKOHOL/

THE END

SURPRISE SURPRISE NOT ONE CHINESE IN SIGHT

Kalo cerita mah ya Mulan emang pakemnya begitu, tapi kualitas & skalanya kok murahan bener. Kebanting sama siris silat Tencent, Youku dll.

Pas ngegugel bujet film ini lalu dapet angka 200 juta dolar DIPAKE APAAN DUITNYAAA SET KOSTUM NASKAH SFX BURUK SEMUAAAA~

"Jangan spoiler dong!"

Honeys.
Sweethearts.
This movie was based on a 2000-years-old popular Chinese folklore. There's already the animated version back in 1998.

Ini kae lagi diskusi bibel Yesus disalib & bangkit di hari ke 3 lalu lo protes, "Jangan spoiler dong!"