I’m finally watching Birds of Prey, so far it is much more gory than I generally prefer but I just got to the egg sandwich and I’m sold

I already love Montoya so much and I want her to destroy every shitty man

also her chemistry with Ali Wong is 12/10

HARLEY IN THE STATION WALKING OUT OF THAT BI FLAG OF SMOKE bless this film

Black Canary just arrived and is instantly the love of my life

do NOT enjoy the face carving

The drunk girl energy of this “a harlequin is nothing without a master” scene is VERY REALISTIC, the only thing that would make it better would be if it was happening in a ladies room

Dinah Lance kicking ass in her GOLD JEANS what a legend

I would already die for Cassandra Cain, junior high grifter

“Why don’t I know who the crossbow guy is? Wait, why don’t I OWN the crossbow guy?? I like crossbows!!!”

Ewan McGregor knows exactly what movie he’s in and I respect it

The flawless rich asshole detail of him breezily taking Black Canary on a tour of his stolen artifacts from Africa and Asia and just assuming she’ll be impressed

also google says the bleached blond henchman is Chris Messina but I’m going to need to see some documentation

The montage of all the reasons Harley things Roman might want to kill her are a SCREAM, I went back and watched it twice

my favorites are “voted for Bernie” and “pronounced it ‘expresso’”

I’m honestly crying with laughter

Other highlights include “Have a vagina,” “crashed his Rolls,” “Burped the alphabet,” “Spoiled a lot of movies,” “Forgot to use a coaster,” “Sold a family heirloom,” and, wonderfully, “Calls him ‘Queef Richards’”

this is the greatest character relationship recap in film history

The only thing better than the catalogue of grievances is her business card with “psychiatrist” crossed out and replaced with “mercenary, finder of lost things, life coach”

THIS MARILYN MONROE DREAM SEQUENCE

Harley awkwardly walking through the prison as men shout things like “YOU’RE DEAD!” and “YOU’RE THE REASON I’M IN HERE!” and “YOU KILLED MY CHINCHILLA!”

I have not seen a Joker since Heath Ledger (I love myself too much to watch the new one and didn’t see “Suicide Squad”) so my only context for Harley is that we were a “Batman: The Animated Series” household, but even if I knew zero they’ve shorthanded her whole history SO WELL

SPRINKLERS PRISON CELL FIGHT SCENE YESSSSSSSS

OTP: Harley Quinn + metal bar

I love a found objects fight scene more than anything in the world

just praying the giant taxidermy beat you see when Cassandra first walks into the evidence room somehow gets utilized, because I have a lot of questions about that

also can you imagine how much fun it must have been to be the prop team in charge of dressing the GOTHAM PD EVIDENCE ROOM

I bet there are so many Easter eggs in here

“I’m not SHOPPING at this store, I’m ROBBING this store”

SHE NAMED HER PET HYENA BRUCE

“after that hunky Wayne guy”

I fucking love this detail

omg this Huntress backstory is so CATHOLIC i LOVE it

I love the montage of her rehearsing her own scary villain introduction in the mirror

ET TU, DOC

CHRIS MESSINA SAW HER TEXT NOTIFICATIONS all the shit is gonna go down at the amusement park I cannot WAIT for the girl squad team up

All the women are finally in the same room

THEY’RE TEAMING UP AGAINST AN ARMY OF DUDE ASSHOLES AND THEY FOUND A SECRET ARSENAL AND SHIT’S GOING DOWN IN AN ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK

WHAT A GIFT THIS FILM IS

“I love this! It’s just like a sleepover!”

“IT’S NOT A FUCKING BOW AND ARROW IT’S A CROSSBOW I’M NOT TWELVE”

this whole “girls getting ready for the big battle” scene is so iconic, I particularly love everything about Huntress

escaping via SLIDE

not motherfucking “BARRACUDA”?!(!???!!???

I’m so excited for this fight scene I might cry

Harley is now on roller skates, even the other characters acknowledge that there is no way this is possible or plot reason for this except sheer audience joy

proceed, Harleen, I have no notes

“Hair tie?”
“Yeah”

I’M SCREAMING

What a magnificently perfect detail

The fight choreography of all of them effortlessly taking turns to shield Cassandra is the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life

OOF and now we are leaving the candy-colored funhouse ass-kicking to face the final boss so everything is grey and creepy

FUCK THEY GOT CASSANDRA AND EVERYONE IS OUT OF AMMO WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DOOOOOOOOO

CANARY CAN SCREAM PEOPLE TO DEATH?!?!??!!!!!!!! My QUEEEEEEEEN HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

And Montoya knows about it?? I love all of this

“Need a ride?” I love you Huntress

“Whip me!” lmao this Chekhov’s roller derby move

Jesus I do NOT like this creepy foggy pier full of statues

CASSANDRA YOU QUEEN OF PICKPOCKETING

THIS MARGARITA SYMMETRY I’M CRYING SHE HAS REAL FRIENDS NOW

THE BIRDS OF PREY!!!!!

“Harley Quinn & Associate: Badass Motherfuckers”

printed on a fancy business card

She has Bruce and Cassandra and a convertible and money and HER EGG SANDWICH what a triumphant ending

omg these wild ass funhouse credits

me fast-forwarding to the end to look for the post-credits scene before remembering this is DC and not Marvel

“did you know that Batman”

WHAT, HARLEY????? DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING