Today, my mom sat next to ella, grabbed her bare leg on the couch, to give her a little snuggle action, I assume, and said “OMG, girl, you *need* to shave your legs!”

And I called my mom out for that shit.

It’s still so scary to call my parents out on their shit. I am not ever prepared for it. But I asked her to apologize for coming into ellas personal space, with an assumption of safety and trust, and then judging her and making her feel self conscious.

For the record, I did all this bc ella said “grandma, thanks a lot now I feel self conscious”

But even if she hadn’t. That is very typical older Black woman shit. And I’m not letting her do it to my daughter.

I loved my grandmother til her last breath, but she constantly measured my body by how well I fit in between the chair below the phone in the kitchen, and a cabinet that was next to the stove.

Hard to explain the space, but it wasn’t tight, but also not gaping. If I was getting too fat, she held both her hands out to measure me with her hands.

And this was all just a regular day at her house. And I’m not allowing my mother to turn into that woman, who, unprompted, feels comfortable coming into your space and making you feel less than

And I’m certainly not allowing my kid to live a lifetime of random shame. Stuff that sticks with you forever and ever.