normalise using they/them for people when you don't know their gender but also normalise switching pronouns once you find them out because using they/them for someone who doesn't use those pronouns is still a form of misgendering, it's called degendering (a thread)

degendering disproportionately affects binary trans people, people will use they/them for us because if they explicitly misgendered us they'll be called out for their transphobia, but they don't want to correctly gender us. 'they' is seen as a middle ground for them

for many binary trans people such as myself now, there's this underlying sense of discomfort when we're repeatedly referred to as they even when we know the person's intentions. there's also the fact that I'm not a they, those just aren't my pronouns

I won't get upset when referred to as they, but they is just as wrong as she-- it's just less uncomfortable. like many other binary trans people I have a strong connection to my gender, having they/them used for me feels like another way that's not being acknowledged or respected

there are cis people with strong connections to their gender too. they may not have had to question their gender but that doesn't mean their connection with it isn't just as strong or valid, it just means they didn't have to go through hell and back to get there

in either circumstance, the binary gendered person's pronouns should be respected, it was actually hearing about a story like this from a cis woman's perspective that inspired this thread. they/them is neutral but not a catch-all