normalise using they/them for people when you don& #39;t know their gender but also normalise switching pronouns once you find them out because using they/them for someone who doesn& #39;t use those pronouns is still a form of misgendering, it& #39;s called degendering (a thread)

degendering disproportionately affects binary trans people, people will use they/them for us because if they explicitly misgendered us they& #39;ll be called out for their transphobia, but they don& #39;t want to correctly gender us. & #39;they& #39; is seen as a middle ground for them

for many binary trans people such as myself now, there& #39;s this underlying sense of discomfort when we& #39;re repeatedly referred to as they even when we know the person& #39;s intentions. there& #39;s also the fact that I& #39;m not a they, those just aren& #39;t my pronouns

I won& #39;t get upset when referred to as they, but they is just as wrong as she-- it& #39;s just less uncomfortable. like many other binary trans people I have a strong connection to my gender, having they/them used for me feels like another way that& #39;s not being acknowledged or respected

there are cis people with strong connections to their gender too. they may not have had to question their gender but that doesn& #39;t mean their connection with it isn& #39;t just as strong or valid, it just means they didn& #39;t have to go through hell and back to get there

in either circumstance, the binary gendered person& #39;s pronouns should be respected, it was actually hearing about a story like this from a cis woman& #39;s perspective that inspired this thread. they/them is neutral but not a catch-all