wouldn't a male soldier also look like this with his hair down....

ew

OKAY SO THE BIRD SPIRIT LITERALLY TOLD MULAN BORI KHAN'S TOP SECRET BATTLE PLANS AND THEN JUST LET MULAN RUN OFF TO INFORM THE ARMY

this scene would've been nice if it wasn't built up by a series of completely illogical events

lol look it's that corridor that appears in every c-drama ever

A DUEL???? A DUEL???????????????????

THIS IS ONLY ACCEPTABLE IF THE EMPEROR AND BORI KHAN WHIP OUT THEIR YUGIOH CARDS AND THEN THROW DOWN

SO...IN PREPARATION FOR THE EMPEROR AND BORI KHAN'S EPIC MATCH OF YUGIOH: THE TRADING CARD GAME, THEY REDIRECTED EVERY SINGLE CITY GUARD TO A SINGLE SQUARE....

the emperor walked into the most obvious trap in fake chinese history and then started doing bed sheet kung fu

im sobbing this is objectively one of the dumbest movies i've ever seen

didn't you know??? this is how all Asian people travel through narrow spaces

MULAN, LOOK AT HER!! SHE DOESN'T NEED YOUR DUMB NOBLE PATH!!!!!

yeah i'm very confused, the whole capital had like 12 people in it

SHE WAS LITERALLY ALONE IN THE THRONE ROOM WITH MULAN AND THEN FLEW OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT

mulan teleported outside the capital and bori khan tried to shoot her and then the bird spirit TOOK THE ARROW FOR HER

BITCH WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST KILL THE KHAN YOUR DAMN SELF AND DECLARE YOURSELF EMPRESS AND MAKE MULAN YOUR GENERAL

MY BRAIN HURTS!!!! I HATE THIS MOVIE!!!!! THERE'S STILL 25 MINUTES OF IT!!!!!!!

GOODBYE FBI SWORD WE WON'T MISS YOU

ANOTHER SCENE THAT WOULD'VE BEEN GREAT IF IT HAD ANY EMOTIONAL BUILDUP WHATSOEVER!!!!!

mulan finally showing off moves learnt from her mentor, Ip Man

oh yeah it's so great that bori khan conveniently fell to his death so the kids don't have to contemplate the ethics of mulan murdering someone for real

never mind he's not dead. he shot an arrow...and then the emperor caught it with his bare hand. this greatly vexed bori khan.

the emperor throws the arrow into the air. mulan KICKS IT INTO BORI KHAN!!!!!!!!!!! KICKS IT!!!!!

oh my god i was so terrified for a second that the emperor made mulan a court lady

oh...were they supposed to be a thing....

the emperor gave her a new FBI sword...yay...

OH NO

NONO NONOANOANONONO

IT'S OVER!!! IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!

I AM EXHAUSTED IN MIND, BODY, AND SOUL

THAT WAS LEGIT ONE OF THE WORST MOVIES I'VE EVER WITNESSED WITH MY TWO EYES

NOT EVEN BECAUSE OF THE WHITE PEOPLE WRITING ASIANS NESS BUT BECAUSE IT'S LEGIT JUST BAD ALL AROUND?????

the chief reason why #mulan is absolutely terrible:

anyway instead of watching Mulan, here are the links to my tweet collections about Chinese history : https://linktr.ee/xiranjayzhao 

oh and lemme plug my book that's getting published in Fall 2021 because i'm mad at white people writing Asian stories. It's a Pacific Rim x The Handmaid's Tale retelling of China's only female emperor.

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52459864-iron-widow https://twitter.com/XiranJayZhao/status/1240042916526952449?s=20