now I'm just morosely watching Twilight and eating toast, if only because it was the best Trash Movie that UK Netflix would offer me

have I had too much wine or is the first Twilight movie actually kind of good

after having gone to America I finally understand the whole 'oh...one bathroom...' thing that Bella is all emo about because when I first read Twilight as a Teen I was like...doesn't everyone have one bathroom?? Who has more than one bathroom??

I feel like we don't talk enough about how their science classroom has a full on like...dead bird diorama in it, I mean what the fuck

also movie!Bella is way more likeable and has a better relationship with her mom, and that's the tea

I'm just drunk livetweeting Twilight hot takes now I guess, just roll with it

alsooooo the fact that a guy gets killed and they're all just like 'guess a Wild Animal did it' America is WILD

Edward being like 'oh yeah my eyes changed colour randomly because of...the fluorescence...' and then just walking away is objectively frickin' hilarious, this movie knew what it was about

annoying though the stilted, dry, awkward dialogue is, in my experience it is exactly how teens do talk to each other, so it actually feels weirdly...realistic?? in a movie that is all supernatural shenanigans, the painful weird awkwardness of the teen interactions rings v. true

forgot how off the hook hot Carlisle is, why isn't this movie about him

Real Talk for a minute: I really appreciate that Bella has kinda big front teeth, as a woman with Big Teeth™ it genuinely means a lot to me to see characters with non-perfect teeth on screen

why am I not watching THIS movie

the lord is TESTING me

had to pause because my sister called and opened with 'so how drunk are you right now?'

every week my sister calls me to read out the quiz from the local newspaper to see who can get more answers right, and that's our relationship in a nutshell

My Sister: "So I got hit by a van this week..."
Me: "WAIT WHY DIDN'T YOU LEAD WITH THAT"

anyway sorry about the break in Twilight Tweets, my computer is a trashfire and doesn't want me to do anything ever but I am BACK and the 'money...sex...money...sex...cat...' conversation is so iconic, how did this movie manage to turn a bland book into an ironic masterpiece

we did NOT appreciate the Twilight soundtrack enough, and no I am not talking about the songs, I mean straight up we did not appreciate Carter Burwell's score in this film elevating the drama to something genuinely tense and creepy

ok the running-up-the-mountain scene caught me off guard and I had to pause the movie because I was laughing so hard

...I think that whole scene is the part where the movie starts slipping into really cringey territory, and it's primarily because they lift a lot of dialogue wholesale from the corresponding book scene, and there's just no saving that

the vamps being really excited about getting to use the kitchen for the first time and Carlisle being like 'I think that went well!!' after they all meet Bella is legit very cute, I always think the Found Family aspect is an underrated appeal of Twilight

a concept: Twilight and it's all exactly the same except instead of having loads of pretentious music CDs in his room, Edward just has shelf upon shelf of Barbie movies like I do

we as a society don't appreciate Bella's Mom Jeans enough

THE VAMPIRE BASEBALL SCENE YES truly a cultural shift

Squad Goals

I was genuinely trying to explain Twilight to a colleague of mine today and I had to be like 'Every single book is extremely boring, repetitive, slow + maudlin, up until the last chapter or so when they get super gruesome and violent out of NOWHERE' and honestly I stand by that

every time I watch this, I forget that there's a scene *on camera* when Edward tears out the villain's throat with his TEETH and SPITS IT OUT and then Alice PULLS OFF HIS HEAD + they gleefully BURN HIM ALIVE in the background and that all just happens in this teen romance movie

the ending is brilliant if only because Victoria, the main villain set up for the next 2 movies, GOES TO BELLA'S PROM, like she fully bought a dress and got her hair done JUST to stand there dramatically glaring at them from a distance, your fave could NEVER

ANYWAY I was going to do a Twilight marathon but in fact it has turned into a marathon of only the first movie because it is now 1:30am and ya girl has been up since 6am because I was working today (uh...yesterday I mean) and I need to collapse into bed now