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cw: depression, anxiety, trust issues, phobia(s)
I feel like I should, not essentially come clean from this, but in a sense get it off my chest as it's something that has haunted me for years, decade(s) even. So before you continue through this thread, keep in mind sensitivity.
I feel like I should, not essentially come clean from this, but in a sense get it off my chest as it's something that has haunted me for years, decade(s) even. So before you continue through this thread, keep in mind sensitivity.
I've been through a lot of relationships, so many I don't even know an exact number. While it's completely normal to deal with breakups, heartbreak and the like, I've honestly been through some real shit. And that's exactly what I'm going to be opening up on in this thread.
My first ever relationship, was an online one, I was around 15 at the time and the person I was dating I met over a game on XBOX Live on the Xbox 360. This relationship lasted for 2 years till I was 17 when she unfortunately died of toxic shock syndrome from chemotherapy.
This loss was the start of something I wish never happened, but it did. After thi loss I became in essence morally fucked in the head for around a year dating people and acting like I was fine, masking everything that happened like I was perfectly okay, when I wasn't. This was
unfortunately when I met the most abusive relationship I have been in, this person I shall not name essentially threatened to beat me, cheat on me, among other hurtful actions just for wanting attention and support from them, this went on for 4 months. Day after day suffering the
hateful and abusive, manipulative actions of someone I thought I could trust at the time, and it is because of this, that it is hard for me to trust people. Skip a head a few years later, last year in 2019, I date someone that I met online and we meet up in person, all seems well
until the day they had to leave, it was at this point things exponentially spiraled downhill, when she arrived back at her home she called me manipulative and I, in all honesty, over reacted and caused an argument, this argument caused us to break up, but it did so much more
damage than just a lost relationship. This was the first time in my entire life I had actually tried to harm myself on purpose, I did not succeed thankfully, but I was pushed so far due to being so hurt and betrayed that I literally ended up starving myself for around a week. I'm
definitely not perfect in any shape or form. And most of my close friends know these stories. The reason I am saying these stories publicly is because I am tired of keeping it inside. Stay strong, no matter what you're going through. I'm sure someone out there cares about you. I
am sure that through all your pain, suffering, depression and anxiety there will be a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dim it may be to you currently. I'm not going to do anything stupid. But I am definitely not the best I can be. You're all amazing people. 
