slow day at work so maybe i'll just spend the whole day obsessively refining a list of people i hate

arbitrarily limiting myself to 50 in memory of the dear departed buffalo beast, here's my personally idiosyncratic list of americans i currently right now find the most loathsome

50. W - he's been quiet lately but as one of the architects of our current shitshow he shouldn't EVER get to not be on the list. Hated this rich fratboy motherfucker's fakeass 'aw shucks' routine the first time i saw him on a debate stage

49. Aijit Pai - fucker who's so goddamn smug about the fact that he doesn't understand the public good he's ostensibly in charge of and counts on you not knowing either. want to see him drink liquid shit out of that quirky reeses pieces cup

48. Thomas Sowell - smoothbrain who made a career out of being the dude republicans could always point to and say "i can't be racist cuz THIS guy agrees." hated seeing his shit-eating grin on the opinion page as a kid. just a fixture of awfulness for so many many years

47. Jesse Sin*gal - name-searching weirdo dedicated to killing trans kids, also has a face like the stretched-out lady painting in the new IT movie

46. Alex Acosta - just another no-name grifter trump plugged into the particular slot he could be his personal worst, gets an extra boost of awful for being the guy to let Epstein keep his child rape empire going strong

45. Joss Whedon - gross weird peanut shaped head. also a sex pest who gaslighted his wife that somehow his banging starlets was feminist praxis. shitty writer. ruined all speculative genre tv in the 90s with his shitty "shiny shiny" quirky dialogue. nerds cant stop quoting him

44. Rand Paul - his neighbor should have finished the job

43. chad wolf - wow a guy who legally changed his reddit handle to his real name, cool. also the gestapo bro who'll be bringing Pinochet style disappearing to your town soon

42. Doug LaMalfa - northern california's shitkicking boss hogg. Racist fake cowboy who watched his district burn to the ground in the worst fire in US history but is mostly just concerned with stopped latinos from voting. a garbage bag full of rice pudding.

41. Lowtax - fuck this chump. the mysterious lump from which the worst of the internet would eventually metastacize. also a wife beater. literally too stupid to just let a website make him money

40. mark zuckerberg - made a website so bad that it's ruined the rest of the internet and also turned your grandpa into a nazi. also buying hawaii to turn it into his personal biodome or some shit. also look at that fuckin dweeb ass haircut

39. moot - made the website that ruined the rest of the internet. left the seeds of the hell he'd planted to fester and then fucked off to make the big bucks at google, where you totally know he's not doing anything at all shady

38. mike pompeo - longtime state department shithead, notorious in the foreign service both for his incompetence and his screaming fits, a really good fit for a job whose sole requirement is "diplomacy." naturally trump puts him in charge.

37. jake & paul logan - gross, they look like badly rendered skyrim NPCs. what the fuck is up with that. cruel "just a joke bro" prank videos that have inspired every child you know to also grow up to be shithead.

36. Blair White - the worst thing to come out of chico and that includes crystal meth. just a testament to how far a complete empty skulled dullard can go when you give boners to wizardchan dorkwads

35. fareed Zakaria- the human equivalent of the video they play to suicides in soylent green. thought-killing platitudes and lulling "reasonable" arguments always designed to convince you that good things just aren't possible. the least imaginative motherfucker on the planet

34. aint it cool news guy - remember when actual studios used to bribe this diaper-wearing, payola-grubbing dipshit to MENTION THEM ON THE INTERNET? before they realized that it's the fuckin internet, people will just talk about movies for free. also apparently a sex pest

33. the shapiros - the saddest of the right's wunderkinder, every affectation calculated to make your spinster aunt say "what a nice young man." 100% abby & ben spent their childhood dressed in little matching his and hers sailor outfits

32. mitch mcconnell - everyone already knows everything this asshole is responsible for, but also he looks like that gross skin puppet in the understanding joshua photos

31. every cop - too many to list. fuck them all.

30. gavin mcginnis - founder of the new brownshirts & some kind of weird no fap religion, i guess? also looks like the walrus guy on mythbusters, fuckin gross

29. bill barr - just an awful toad, the evil version of the guy who says "TECHNICALLY it doesn't say anywhere in the rules that a dog can't play soccer." looks like the devil from Nuts for Pudding.

28. Ghislaine Maxwell - more like JIZZ BRAIN maxwell haha get it, no seriously running the logistical side of a worldwide child rape ring kinda sucks.

27. Roger Stone - look at this fuckin steampunk goebbels asshole. just look at those stupid little glasses he wears and that weird way he only smiles with the middle of his mouth. so disgusting

26. michael bloomberg - only thing grosser than this mannequin's vanity campaign was watching traumatized voters cheer the DNC actively subverting democracy to prop him up. tried to get pity votes by hilariously "vandalizing" his own HQ, still very funny to me

25. Barack Obama - the cool guy president dedicated to making sure cool things never happen. bailed out wall street, did the drones and the deportations, created the world's biggest war machine panopticon and then blithely handed the keys to trump. super cool.

24. jeff bezos - richest asshole in history, keeps getting richer. will own everything. destroying the world so he can get another decimal point on his already obcene wealth. has those fucking unsettling chameleon eyes like he's trying to watch two flies at the same time

23. bill kristol - apparently the greatest thinker the right wing has, you know this asshole gets himself locked in his own bathroom on the reg

22. bret stephens - another name searching cockroach. his whole job is writing "it's so hard to think of something to write" columns for which he is paid more than you'll see in a lifetime and he's super mad if anyone doesn't respect him for it. just a worm. pathetic

21.the clintons - they've done more to create this shitstain world than anyone and the more they age the more they look like the Robesons from The People Under the Stairs and yet people are so desperate for saviors that they'll keep beseeching these reptiles for noblese oblige

20. joe rogan - brain like a shiny smooth ball bearing, not a single critical thought bouncing around in that noggin, giving him tremendous sway with the all important american dumbass demographic. thinks slenderman is real.

19. herman cain - still tweeting from beyond the grave, wtf

18. the smirking shithead maga hat kid - you just look at that face in that photo and you know exactly what he is. that "does this bother you? i'm not touching you" smirk. still milking that 15 minutes of fame, is apparently now the joe the plumber of 2020. super fuckin cool

17. Ray Blanchard - somehow is an "authority" on trans issues despite all his studies sounding like weirdass victorian skull measuring expeditions. absolutely 100% is a chaser, no doubt about it

16.scott adams - lucked into cartooning success despite his terminal engineer brain. weird new age MGTOW maga chud who loves to "blow your mind" w debunked evopsych nonsense. can't shut up. lives in a house shaped like squidwards easter island head,has a 15 yr old mailorder bride

15. Joe Arpaio - might be dead now, i dunno. fuck this fascist vampire. literally just the evil cop from Stephen King's Desperation.

14.Stephen Miller - the most white supremacist of our extremely white supremacist overlords. looks like a pasty inbred british duke.

13. all the trump kids - as stupid and venal as their dad but somehow lacking any animal cunning. absolute cringe to watch them trying to angle for dad's affection, absolutely maddening to watch the entire world burn just to satisfy this stupid family psychodrama

12. Nancy Pelosi - just the most useless neville chamerlain antics all the time, the kente cloth kneeling had the same energy as the trump flag hug: something so outrageously pandering & maudlin & crass that you're insulted to know they think you'll swallow it

11.Ted Cruz - just so completely repulsive that he still gets on the list even though i can't remember a single thing he's done this year. i'm sure he's doing something bad tho. he's like a cartoon villain's sidekick. no jury would have any sympathy for this guy

10. chuck schumer - just a sunfish of american politics, drifting through it all with no awareness or understanding of anything around him. can't even manage the charisma of a pelosi. you want him to shut up anytime he opens his mouth

9.pete buttigieg - ugh little rat-faced snot. has the exact same demeanor and energy that ben shapiro strives for. pretends he doesn't know who howdy doody is, no one's buying that. fixed bread prices.

8.tucker carlson - millionaire frozen dinner heir, literal white supremacist, will always be the bowtie dipshit even tho he doesn't wear the tie anymore. perpetual confused look, like he always just took a shit in his pants

7. louis dejoy - he gets on the list by virtue of being the latest trump ghoul following the same script - stripping whateaver public good he's ostensibly in charge of and selling it back to his former employers - so he's kind of a stand-in for all trump appointees. he sucks

6.boogie2988 - the king of fencesitting, an endless font of sympathy for the oppressor masquerading as a call for nonviolence. the "I'm smart for having no opinion" kind of stupid person

5. Andy N*go -fake journalist, milkshake enthusiast, nazi bagman, keeps helping nazis kill people which you would think would be a problem yet somehow he's still walking around. Stupid people easily distracted by the "how can he be a white supremacist if he's asian? GOTCH!" dodge

4.Dinesh DeSousa- the dumbest of the republican hatchetmen, has that annoying reedy "teacher, teacher! you forgot to assign homework!" voice. colossally bad filmmaker, thoughts informed by a literal kindergartener's understanding of the world, thinks metaphors are literal.

3. mike pence - this guy absolutely kills cats for fun. just a dead eyed psycho

2. bella thorne - FUCK. YOU.

1. obviously, it's trump. i mean no surprise there, that was a gimmie. just the worst.

ok i feel cleansed now.