the new mulan is doing the rounds and i just remembered from the org when mulan gets 'found out' bc of getting injured and the doctor seeing her titties when treating her (my brain says she was binding w bandages but not sure) anyway any other transmascs get traumatized by this

i JUST remembered this and realized maybe this is why i had this super big aversion to watching the movie?? it was like, as someone whos asian as well and mulans narrative going into passing as male but not rly being a masc narrative but, the overlap? too close to home

i watched the movie as a child too so obvs i didnt realise this about myself back then but i enjoyed passing as a boy (short hair and tall for my age) and like, i think other trans ppl can relate to the fear of being clocked but chest exposure is such a transmasc fear

extremely humiliating and its been a trope used nearly every time theres even a little bit of trans coding in the narrative or dfab gender nonconformity in general, and maybe mulan was the first movie to solidify the horror and humiliation from that. a 'traitor' to other men

like i havent seen mulan in years but vaguely remember smth like her man walking in the tent and she covers her chest (maybe binding or topless) and the face of fear, the identity of ping as a man is destroyed, it makes my stomach churn thinking about it

sometimes i go out without binding, bc im old and tired and i wear a large hoodie and try to make my chest less noticeable (i mean its already small lol) and i feel like that fear is just constantly trapped in the pit of my stomach

i want to love mulan because like asian disney characters are so few but, i know its for women and not for me, but the few elements in there that touch base with my experience being dfab and struggling to pass as a cis man.. :,( idk the point of this thread i just had flashbacks