Well, I'm watching Mulan (2020). Also I'm an East Asian from East Asia so... this should be something.

Before I start, I just wanna note I actually do want to enjoy this film. Like it would be nice if it was good, even though it's written by some white people who don't speak nor read Chinese.

But I have a feeling it's going to sink into that uncanny-zone slash "this feels like a white person pretending to be Asian" theme really quickly.

It's already wrong about "qi" being this thing that's wielded. It's not some magic force... it just means flexing your muscles etc lol

I have a feeling this one forgot Mulan is about filial piety too. Already it's talking about ancestors and shame, which is a very white notion.

weird asian american vibes because they're speaking in English lol, but the scene... is taking place somewhere.... idk where. It looks like a theme resort??? lolol

I love that they're speaking English, actually. Without accents for the most part too.

"a daughter brings honor through marriage" is this actually a thing in any Asian country or is this a white thing they invented

bc in Korea it's more like
Daughters are only *useful* for siring grandchildren etc.
It's not about honor.

the notion of "honor" is so foreign to me. That's stuff I associate with like, european knights, europe-themed rpgs... not with family lol. Family is about loyalty, obedience, "filial piety".

This is such a weird makeup. I thought trendy historic Chinese make-up is like... light white powder + red accents not black cattails.

That and the design of the crown is mad tacky. It's not like a bird of flowers or something classy??

It's like wearing a crown of Jesus Christ on the cross.

oooh, she's wearing black mascara
because she is evil.
sigh

they gave her titty armor lmao

what is it with these live action disney movies and corsets, they gotta put one in every movie

whoa this one lowly solder INTERJECTED?? while the king is speaking with one of his subjects? He should be beheaded.

like you don't interject. This implies that the king and the subject he has hand chosen are incompetent. You're supposed to wait til you're called on. white writers please I'm begging you, just watch any CJK royal drama, you would never write things this way again.

I have so many problems with this court scene lol. It shouldn't have been written this way. First of all...

I'm pretty sure the "silk road" was not named as such -- nor a concept -- until AFTER it was over. What the first subject shoulda said is "town1, town2, and town3 have been getting attacked by invaders" followed by a second subject saying "those are all cities in the north"

followed by a third subject mentioning that these towns are where traders from the west come in & how important the TAXES collected from these traders are in funding the military to expand the borders.

lol "all trade has been disrupted" is a non-conflict, this shouldn't have been presented as a problem because why should the king give two shits about trade lol. He's not a trader.

The king being concerned about his "citizens" when he was told the garrisons had fallen is so weird too. There should be an opposing group subject telling the king to move troops from somewhere else to the north instead.

The lack of politics in this kings courtroom is so depressing. In liek 5 tweets I already set up a group of subjects who are manipulating the king, and a group of subjects trying to help the prince rise to the throne alive lol

BASIC KOREAN KING DRAMA STUFF I tell ya. Basic drama politics. It's basic...................

I'm just an amateur when it comes to old Chinese make up, but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to use red pigment and not black. Also, isn't the yellow supposed to be closer to the hairline?

"I will bring honor to us all" is such an alien concept. It's gotta be a white idea.

Empress of China did make up so much better than this show. Bingbing Fan looked incredible in it.

so why does the matchmaker and the bad guy have accents but none of the good guys do. We villainizing immigrant accents in the year 2020?

Mulan sure is hung up on not being born a son because... she wants to join the military? Nobody needs to want to join the military.

The erhu is so overused and too sad. Does anything make Mulan happy?

aksldja whatever, the actress is pro-cop so I guess it makes sense she wants to join an army lol

The dad in the 1998 mulan movie was so nice and kind and loved Mulan as his child. The dad in this one has a temper, is sexist "mulan doesn't know her place as a girl", and doesn't fucking talk with her.

??????????
why is she seeing a phoenix she's not a king??? Only royalty should be seeing gods.

"You lost need to go into the showers, you stink"
I am quite certain showers are a white thing white people invented in the 1900s.

Before showers, you took a bath. like by going to a bathhouse, or by going in the river lol. Showers????

This "Penalty? Death." is a scene straight up stolen from the 2009 Mulan by director Jingle Ma.

Oh interesting, the military personnel don't have an immigrant accent.

Everyone is right, really shoulda left Li Shang in instead of replacing him with a nobody general.

Why are the men in this garrison so concerned about talking to women lol. They should be bitching about how much their bodies ache from training.

stop fucking playing the flute and erhu as sad music omg

Another badly written scene... Why are the bad guys attacking? For vengeance. How uselessly emotional.

Bori Khan (the bad guy leader) mentioned 3 reasons why they should attack
1. to steal gold (isn't the currency silver???)
2. vengence
3. land back

askjflsdjf this movie keeps misusing "qi" to mean "super special skills" or "hidden talent"???????????
It's seriously the "back" in "put your back into it" as in "put your qi into it". Seriously, qi means "flex ya muscles" it doesn't mean "SECRET SUPER POWERS"

Anyway back to Bori Khan -- He should have emphasized "land back" and how they're reclaiming the land that's rightfully theirs that the empire stole, but instead....

................. he emphasizes how it will be super brutal and gruesome to go in and kill people, as though this is something his troops want to do??????
This guy is a terrible leader and his subjects are serial killers.

"become a great warrior" is such a low level dream. You should aim to become a general, and then the king. Why would you dream to become a pawn?

The way this movie paints the good guys as "noble warriors" and the bad guys as "ruthless brutes" uhhh

hold up... are those shoulder pads...

I don't know why they are wearing cloth shoulder pads while running up a mountainside. Usually armor is only worn when there's a risk of arrows.

I serisouly cannot understand why they put an evil asian witch into this movie. She serves no story function whatsoever.... like you can write a proper good conflict without a magic asian evil witch

"we can defeat the enemy because they don't have our three virtues of: loyalty, bravery, and truth"
it's just cowboys vs indians all over again with an asian theme.

Mulan's name is not Ping anymore in this movie

I think the writers saw the 2009 mulan and panicked for an entire year because it was so much better than what their range would allow them to write. And the 2009 Mulan? It was just an OK movie, like 3.5 outta 5 stars for a period war movie.

idk who composed the music for this movie but they're definitely white and the way the use the erhu is extremely racially annoying.

lol how does Mulan see the witch for the first time ever and immediately know she's a witch? Nobody told her there might be a witch on the enemy side. Also, her first guess should be "are you a grim reaper" not "you're a witch" bc asian witches dress colorfully.

of course, the witch has an accent... because you know, people who speak with an immigrant accent are bad people

........... isn't this a Japanese exclusive char? I thought the rest of us write it as 眞

oh no, not Mulan revealing she's a girl for NO REASON AT ALL. In the 1998 version she got caught bc she got injured but this one... she just outs herself for no reason lmao

why are you even crying?????? you coulda said nothing.

the witch is all "join me and let's be lesbian leaders" which is not super convincing sadly because she should be saying "I'll protect your dad's town if you form an alliance with me"

why does this emperor only have one subject...? he should have like 50 smart guys to consult at all times, but he only has this one gruff looking dude.

and it does not make aaaany sense that the emperor would ride out to battle. absolutely not.

accents are a very tricky topic to discuss but imo because they wouldn't have accents if this movie was in Chinese, they should not have accents in English either.

so some Asians are actually immigrants and have the accent but like a lot of us with accents don't intend to have the accent.

we're not trying to be hard to understand on purpose, is what I'm getting at.

the writing with the witch is soooo terrible, I feel bad for the actress who was tricked into playing her. Hope she got paid big dollars because her entire plot is so unnecessary and daft.

for a movie about a story happening in China, this movie sure is very anti-native american

idk why they associate a phoenix with Mulan. This suggests she is of royal lineage, when she is supposed to be a nobody peasant farm girl and her name is all common plants.

feels like the white writers just... could not figure out what to do, so they wrote Joan of Arc and then hired a bunch of Asians.

I'm mad they didn't even give her time to take a bath or something. She's got her hair down like a ghost, when she should have been dolled up.

most people of color know this is not how a mom of color would respond to their kid coming home after running away. Mulan should be running from her mom hands lmao.

you run away from home? we're gonna fight.

I wrote better caligraphy than this when I was in 4th grade lol

The Mulan 2020 movie is made for people who cannot find China on a map. Like you'd have to know nearly nothing about China to enjoy this because it's so weird and white.

I almost forgot, but I have a ko-fi. All the money will be spent on buying my baby little outfits. Thank you. http://Ko-fi.com/skimlines 

Here he is wearing a onesie with little blushing whales on it.