i'm gonna make a potentially weird but, i promise, NEUTRAL thread. i've been thinking a lot about the great deal of turmoil that occurs when a woman who was loudly and publicly identifying as a lesbian and a feminist comes out as bisexual and gets a boyfriend

i think that's there's a lot of heightened emotion from all sides and i think it's all completely, sorry to use this word, valid. i think that when a woman realizes the overwhelming scope of misogyny and the dangers of heterosexual relationships, it seems natural to me that--

--she would likely come to view herself as a lesbian if she is attracted to women. and after all, the average woman tends to be more attractive w/ a better personality than the average man, and with a way lower chance of strangling you

but i think once the initial trauma and fear of recognizing the scope of misogyny fades and every man ceases to look like the devil in your mind, it's natural that bisexual women would recognize that they're bisexual. i don't think they were ever lying or tricking anyone

and i do think that the revelation can create a lot of shame and fear in a woman who recognizes that she is bi instead of lesbian. and to be totally honest, the fear of rejection is completely merited. there's a lot of judgement they're going to face

they might be labeled as hypocrites and i don't think that's fair. it seems like a logical development to me. ngl--i often wondered myself if i'd realize i was bi after i had healed some from male violence based trauma (but i'm healed and still very much a lesbian)

and on the other side, i think it's completely reasonable for lesbians to be pretty bummed when a woman we may have related to or even looked up to ends up not being like us. i completely get it. the fear that hetero relationships are inevitable is also prominent too

lesbian loneliness and isolation is painful. but i also think that there's a lack of community and support for bisexual women, who might feel alone and abandoned after they realize they're bi and not lesbian. (that doesn't justify blaming lesbians tho)

i guess, what i'm saying is that i think it's a very emotionally charged experience for bisexual and lesbian women when this happens and i think we should try harder to recognize that many of us are coming from places of pain. we are hurt, for no reason or another.

we have more in common than not and we have to be recognize that we're all people. we are entitled to our feelings and processing, but it's not right to blame each other for an occurrence that has more to do with misogyny than it does with bi women or lesbians being evil.

okay that's all!