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Trigger warning: suicide
It is National Suicide Prevention Month and this time hits hard for me. I lost my best friend in college to suicide (who also was a public figure which makes it more difficult to process). 1/x
It is National Suicide Prevention Month and this time hits hard for me. I lost my best friend in college to suicide (who also was a public figure which makes it more difficult to process). 1/x
She was the nicest person and the first person I started to trust with my disability as I let down my barriers to trust someone. She saw my struggles and stayed by my side. We spent all of our time together and were inseparable.
She revealed to me that she was struggling with hearing loss, which was impacting her identity. We spoke about navigating the medical world a lot. I’m not sure she shared this with others but she knew I could relate.
I still feel guilty for her death. I knew something was wrong a few days before and I didn’t intervene enough. I let her skip class, which was a red flag. But I figured, sometimes it’s just exhausting being disabled so no big deal.
And some days, I still can’t live with all of this. It hurts. It eats at me constantly. I still have the urge to text her three years later. I feel like I lost the closest that I had a sister because she saw the real disabled me before I even accepted it.
This month raises awareness but also brings me overwhelming waves of guilt for not being able to prevent her death.
Maybe someday I’ll do a thread on my own experiences of suicide/self-harm and eating disorder, but today is not that day.
Today, I am here for my friend. I continue to live and fight to honor her memory. So I can share the story of the girl who made everyone happy but herself.
Today, I am here for my friend. I continue to live and fight to honor her memory. So I can share the story of the girl who made everyone happy but herself.
Her memory also made me become more of a disability advocate. I knew she always felt so isolated in her experience and I didn’t want others to ever feel alone. She loved to help others and I thought this initiative could make a difference, which is something she would have done.
I love her so much and her story was so unfinished. I only knew her for a little over a year and it wasn’t enough. During my time with her, she made me a better person, more accepting of myself and my body.
(Not really relevant to this thread but I never even attended a funeral or knew details of the death since she was a public figure. I recently found a paparazzi news source that had her medical exam post-Mortem which really destroyed me because I didn’t even know all this time)
