i own eleven pairs of cargo shorts and 23 polo shirts. i apologize for nothing. https://twitter.com/nepswirldabeard/status/1301931922692562944

i could wear a different ll bean rugby shirt every monday for two months

i own four pullover fleeces, two north face and two columbia

i still occasionally refer to a sofa as a davenport despite not being from the midwest and not ever owning an actual davenport

four guys that i can think of off the top of my head that i played sports with are cops

my wife and i are terrified of going anywhere during the pandemic but we go to the morro bay farmer’s market for artisanal cheeses and fresh artichokes

i own the original cast album of cats on vinyl (inherited from my grandparents, who were also extremely white)

i have been to the yankee candle headquarters in deerfield about a half dozen times

i am insanely good at badminton

i own an iron aebelskeever pan for making aebelskeevers, which, if you don’t know what those are, we can’t even really have a serious conversation about whiteness.

i could pick up a nine iron right now and pure a ball about 120 yards despite not playing golf in fifteen years. maybe 130 if it’s a hogan iron, as the extra whiteness of a ben hogan iron fortifies my swing.