Read on Twitter
Ben "I don't know how to handle reciprocated feelings" Solo
A thread:
A thread:
Ben Solo, a boy who was groomed since infancy to believe everyone in his life that he loved hated him, would have absolutely no idea how accept unconditional love in general, ESPECIALLY unconditional, reciprocated love from a feral Jakku scavenger.
He would have been healed by the Resistance because she demanded it, and Ben would sit there for DAYS twiddling his thumbs and wondering when she was going to demand something in return.
Or maybe he's just waiting for her to tell him to leave.
Or maybe he's just waiting for her to tell him to leave.
But she doesn't. Rather, she seems incredibly intent to keep him as close as possible, herding him into the hangar to work on rebuilding some of the ships that had been damaged over Exegol, or asking his opinion on certain entries in those ancient texts she's always reading.
And Ben would hand her the wrenches and screwdrivers she asks for and try and decipher foreign passages with her and carefully conceal the fact that he's simply waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to grow tired of him and cast him aside as everyone else had.
The first time she tries to touch him after Exegol, her hand reaches out to brush a lock of hair that had fallen over his forehead, and he flinches because when was the last time someone gave him a gentle caress without pain immediately following?
She doesn't try to touch him again, and Ben isn't sure if that hurts worse than physical punishment or not.
During the day, people whisper quietly as they walk by, not quite touching but close enough to make others wonder. And Rey bares her teeth at them and exhales sharp words at particularly forthcoming freedom fighters.
And Ben isn't sure if he should be grateful that Rey is there to walk beside him and send people running or if he should talk to her about how their fears are not unfounded, and he doesn't understand why she comes to justify him when it would be easier if he just left.
"They don't have any idea what they're talking about," she reassures him, and he watches her fingers flex against the table like they itch to curl around his, but why would she ever want to stain her skin with the residual darkness in his veins?
And at night, after the rest of the base has calmed and only patrol roams the halls, the bond opens up with Rey a mere corridor away, sleeping soundly with her head curled against her arm.
Ben carefully lays his hand against her shoulder, marveling at how soft her skin is.
Ben carefully lays his hand against her shoulder, marveling at how soft her skin is.
It's unfair to her to allow his fingers to brush her flesh without his permission, but when will he ever get the opportunity to touch her again? What if his luck is stretched only to this moment, and Rey never speaks to him again?
And the first time they argue, it's over something so inconsequential that Ben can't even remember what it was about once she storms away, but he forlornly scurries into his own bunk and quietly begins loading up his duffel bag.
The Falcon is hers, but the TIE he took to Exegol is still operational. He'll leave at first light, because he doesn't deserve Rey, no matter how much he cares for her.
So when she knocks on his door in the middle of the night, hair hanging down around her collar and tears in her eyes, Ben has no idea what to say and he doesn't know what to do with his hands because they keep reaching for her, wanting to comfort her.
"I'm sorry," she says, tears cascading down her cheeks and leaving rivulets he wants to wipe away more than anything. "I can't even remember what we argued about, but I was so angry at so many things and I can't control my temper sometimes.
"It's not fair to you to be on the receiving end, I know that. I've been working on it, I swear. I just care about you more than anything and Rose says that sometimes we attack the people we love because we know they'll never leave us."
And she sees his packed duffel waiting by the door, blinking at it before looking at him again, new tears building in her eyes even as anger suffuses her features. "Are... are you leaving?"
But Ben is still stuck on something else she said. "You care about me?"
You love me?
But Ben is still stuck on something else she said. "You care about me?"
You love me?
And Rey, his benevolent goddess of destruction, furrows her brow. "Yes? Ben, of course I care about you. I... you're the best thing in my life and I can't... you can't leave, please don't leave."
She's crying again, and he's crying too, because she wants him.
She wants him.
She's crying again, and he's crying too, because she wants him.
She wants him.
"Are you sure?" He asks, and he can't keep the emotion out of his tone as he hesitantly lays his hand against her shoulder. "Are you sure you want me?"
His touch seems to awaken something within her, because suddenly her hands are on his face and in his hair.
His touch seems to awaken something within her, because suddenly her hands are on his face and in his hair.
She steps even closer, looking up at him as her crying stops, a clarity crossing her countenance.
"You really don't know?"
Ben shakes his head as her thumbs caress his cheekbones, wiping away the tears he fight know had escaped. He doesn't know anything, never has, it seems.
"You really don't know?"
Ben shakes his head as her thumbs caress his cheekbones, wiping away the tears he fight know had escaped. He doesn't know anything, never has, it seems.
"Ben, I've only ever wanted you," she assures him, lips quivering with how full her heart is, how it spills over and erupts within the cavern of her chest. "Even before I knew you, it was only you. I thought I made that perfectly clear on Exegol."
But she seemed so distant and she never wanted to touch him, and she cries because she wanted to, she wanted to every day, but he was afraid, she could feel it when she tried that first time, and she needed him to be okay first.
"I would have waited a hundred years," she says.
"I would have waited a hundred years," she says.
But she's touching him now and she's not hurting him, would never hurt him, so he pulls her close and captures her lips with his because she cares for him.
Maybe one day she might love him.
Maybe one day she might love him.
And Rey kisses him back with all the force of a hurricane, caressing his lips with hers, imperfect and unpracticed but theirs and theirs alone.
And Ben wouldn't trade it for all the galaxy.
And Ben wouldn't trade it for all the galaxy.
The days pass, and that niggling fear in the back of his mind that she doesn't want him or love him slowly seeps away, years of manipulation at the hands of someone else painstakingly unlearned.
She ends up, weeks later, moving out of her quarters and into his own - not that she has much in the way of moving.
Weeks after that, they move from the Resistance base and into the captain's quarters of the Falcon, and Ben watches in awe as their belongings mingle and meld.
Weeks after that, they move from the Resistance base and into the captain's quarters of the Falcon, and Ben watches in awe as their belongings mingle and meld.
And slowly, over time, he forces himself to stop asking if she's sure, even though she never gets mad at him when he asks.
Months later, he forgets to wonder at all if she wants him.
Months later, he forgets to wonder at all if she wants him.
She tells him she loves him on a quiet summer morning, legs tangled together beneath their sheets, her naked body warm and real and solid against his.
"I've always loved you," she admits afterward. "I was just terrified you weren't ready to hear it."
"I've always loved you," she admits afterward. "I was just terrified you weren't ready to hear it."
And Ben isn't sure if he means to return the sentiment or to begin their life or to take a step toward their next adventure, but he kisses her all the same and says,
"I'm ready."
"I'm ready."
Anyway I was going to make this funny and quirky but it got real emotional real fast 
