My sister Krista stayed here last night, and this is such a little thing, so unimportant in the grand scheme of things and even in the scheme of things that is seeing my sister, but...

I loved sitting outside with her and seeing her face, so much like my face, and being unable to deny the beauty of it, even the parts that we’re probably both self conscious about. We may not have a singular chin among all the Jeffery family, but Krista’s a stunner.

Anyway, her and Julie left for southern Utah already. I don’t think I can handle as much family as she wants, or as much wilderness as Julie wants. But I’ll drive down tomorrow or Sunday to say my goodbyes to Shirley, covid in mind, but also covid be damned.

If my aunt’s dying wish for her last moment with me and her together is a maskless hug I’m not gonna keep it from her. I’ll try and hold my breath and I won’t go maskless or get close of my own volition, though

And the same goes for my grandma, who I’m sure is taking things less seriously than me. I don’t know when/if I’ll see her again. And maybe my uncle Bob, too? From what my mom was saying this morning, he’s not doing great either. And I’m so sad to have never gotten drunk with him

This feels so dumb and irresponsible as an approach to someone’s final days, given the current moment. But it’s also my last chance to see people and tell them I love them and it’s the only thing that feels appropriate. I don’t know. I don’t know how to deal with this.

I tweet all this and then I’m immediately like, maybe I should just stay home, actually,

like, I really, truly, do not know what the right thing to do is here. I don’t know what comfort or risk I would be. I just don’t know.