I am willing to train police officers to interact with civilians!

1. Take off badge.
2. Take off uniforms.
3. Speak words of affirmation: "You can take these and shove them."
4. Find gainful employment.
5. You're now a civilian.
6. You were always a civilian. https://twitter.com/MiamiHerald/status/1301622308868698112

A good way for a police officer to interact safely with the public is to not be a member of a violent, lawless street gang that is also an occupying army. Try being literally anything else. Flip burgers. Stock shelves. Learn a trade.

The hard part will be being less racist and violent, but you can focus on actions. By not doing racist or violent actions, your racist and violent tendencies start to matter less, and will, in time, diminish, especially if you consciously work to dismantle them.

The work... you can't ignore the work. Just not being racist isn't the same thing as being anti-racist, and a lifetime of racist habits reinforced by racist training and an intensely reinforced racist culture of policing means your actions will require intense self-scrutiny.

I am not the best person to train police to be anti-racist, but I can point out for absolutely free of charge that once they are no longer police they should seek out such expertise and pay for it.

The most important thing to remember about not being a police officer is that when you're not a police officer you are not, broadly speaking, allowed to torture or murder or arrest people for appearing disrespectful or for "making you feel" like your life is in nebulous danger.

I'm sure that can be a hard adjustment to make! And I know I said you could flip burgers but honestly on reflection I don't think many former police officers are cut out for that kind of hard, dangerous, thankless work. Not until they've habituated to life outside the blue line.

But part of not being a police officer is, you have to work for a living. You have to do what you have to do. You can't sell drugs you took from the evidence locker because in real life, there's not an evidence locker and selling drugs is illegal.

You can't seize property to sell because you "smelled marijuana smoke". That's called stealing and it's wrong. Learning right from wrong is something you'll just have to do, when you're no longer a police officer.

So it might be that working in fast food is the best or only job you can get. In that case, you're going to have learn real fast to do something we call "sucking it up". Because there will be people who disrespect you, who insult you, who accuse you of tampering with their food.

And when that happens... I cannot possibly emphasize this enough... you will no longer be allowed to shoot them. Or arrest them. Or plant drugs. Or shout "Gun!"

You can shout "I feared for my life!" but get ready for your feelings to be dismissed, belittled, and ignored.

"I was in fear for my life!" Welcome to the human condition. We call that "anxiety". It's actually MORE manageable when you're not allowed to pull out a gun and start shooting when it happens.

If you have to identify the sources of your anxiety and deal with them -- without, again, I emphasize, shooting -- you will probably find that a lot of the particular anxiety you feel is rooted in, yes, racism.

Which, again, you have to work on.

Now, I should say that the racist culture of policing reflects and reinforces the racist culture in which it exists. I'm afraid there is still some dangerously tempting leeway, if you're white, to still shoot people when racism has you feeling anxious. We're working on that.

You can help do your part by not having a gun and not shooting anyone, no matter how anxious or racist you feel. Ask yourself why you're uncomfortable. Learn to live with and in your discomfort. Take it apart from the inside.

This concludes my absolutely free seminar on how police can interact safely with the members of the community they serve, in whatever capacity they choose after they stop being police.

Please donate to a bail fund, legal defense fund, or prison library/reading program.

Oh, and a question from the back: "I know I can't shoot people for making me feel uncomfortable, but can I still execute people in cold blood or hunt teenagers for sport in order to get blooded as part of a gang initiation ritual? That's not from anxiety at all!"

Absolutely not.

Policing is a horror show and if you haven't murdered or ruined anyone's life yet, get out while you still can.