certainly never been this conflicted about a kentucky derby ever. when one group is telling me how repulsive having the event is and they have every right to do so, it& #39;s really hard to enjoy anything about this weekend.

for people (people i love) to proceed with things as if they are normal really really hurts my soul. still no clue whether i& #39;m going to watch the race or not. just a rough internal battle.

i love being in different places and talking to people about derby/ how proud it makes me

1. not proud of my state.

2. still adoring the history of the derby & how much of a staple it& #39;s been in family.

3. feeling the need to tell these people what& #39;s more important this year.

no matter what anyone does, i won& #39;t pass judgement on you but i hope you take another moment to reflect on what& #39;s happened in your state/city the last half year and not just mindlessly sip bourbon like it& #39;s all fine.

tbh loving the derby without any of this is probably the bigger issue here but alas, i am flawed and cant deny it.