certainly never been this conflicted about a kentucky derby ever. when one group is telling me how repulsive having the event is and they have every right to do so, it's really hard to enjoy anything about this weekend.
for people (people i love) to proceed with things as if they are normal really really hurts my soul. still no clue whether i'm going to watch the race or not. just a rough internal battle.
i love being in different places and talking to people about derby/ how proud it makes me

1. not proud of my state.

2. still adoring the history of the derby & how much of a staple it's been in family.

3. feeling the need to tell these people what's more important this year.
no matter what anyone does, i won't pass judgement on you but i hope you take another moment to reflect on what's happened in your state/city the last half year and not just mindlessly sip bourbon like it's all fine.
tbh loving the derby without any of this is probably the bigger issue here but alas, i am flawed and cant deny it.
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