The way Hux is described in the novelizations is my favorite thing on earth. He's an uptight, thin skinned, ambitious, cruel loser. Everyone still looks down on him to a certain extent despite how hard he's tried to be feared. Hux’s entire existence is about proving others wrong.

Between the fact that he literally had no life outside of the First Order and spent his childhood smackdab in the middle of active war zones and that he sees Palpatine as a role model because he used to be nothing Hux fully thinks he's doing what's right. He literally sees

himself as someone who will undo the damage the New Republic has done and bring peace and save the galaxy. His life goals are entirely motivated by the childhood trauma he endured even if he doesn't realize it. Hux’s life goals are to 1) help people 2) prove he's worth something.

It's so weird cause he's strangely empathetic but at the same time desensitized to violence to the point that he is more than willing to kill to get what he wants. But he let's that one spy off the hook when she pretends she has an abusive father, plus freeing Poe, Finn and

Chewie. It's this misguided sense of empathy that's fucked up and built on death but at the same time he kinda cares? He's way more emotional than he lets on. He's self conscious with a thin skin and holds grudges. He just redirects it into cold calculated military tactics.

imagine kylo’s surprise when he realizes that between the two of them he's the more emotionally stable one. it's just not obvious with hux because he hides it but he's very emotional and internalizes everything.

he cried a lot as a kid. it was part of the reason his father

constantly called him weak. hux was kind of a crybaby and the type to feel guilt over squashing a beetle. between being prone to tears, meek and shy it wasn't a surprise that brendol looked down on him.

hux literally had the ability to display emotions beaten out of him. it's

all still there, just buried deep inside himself. he's angry too. hux grew up in a war machine and that's all he knows. the new republic has always been something that destroyed and killed the people around him. they're the reason the outer rim is so terrible. so hux is going

to crush them and fix everything they did wrong.

he still beats himself up about showing vulnerability and his anger to getting made fun of is less anger and more self hate. he's tried so hard to change himself. he doesn't think about the way he feels. people still see him as

a joke. as a sad, weak creature that's never actually amount to anything.

sometimes hux is consumed with the desire to scream back if someone is making fun of him. scream back at them that he's *trying* he's trying to be anything but himself, he's been trying all his life, he's

given up everything so there's no trace of who he actually is left. he's fucking trying so can they just lay off him and give him a fucking break?

he hates that he still cries over it sometimes. he'll lock himself in his office and sob and wonder why he's still not good enough.

kylo definitely participates in the jeering and he doesn't give a single shit about how it visibly angers hux. hux is getting absolutely ripped apart during a supreme council meeting and kylo just sits back and watches hux clench his jaw and fists. he looks pissed off and

kylo finds it hilarious.

except hux is thinking really hard and repeating the same thing in his head over and over so kylo picks up on it.

'don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. don't prove them right, if you cry you'll prove them right. you can't cry, don't cry stop

it, you can't cry. it's okay, it's fine it's just words there's no reason to cry over it.'

kylo doesn't make a habit to listen to whatever nonsense is going on in hux’s head but this surprises him. hux looks irritated but calm. what he's saying to himself suggests anything but.

'don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. you can do this, you've endured worse, it's just words, stop letting it hurt you. whatever you do don't cry, you can't cry, they'll just make fun of you even more. if you cry it'll be worse. hold it in, don't listen, don't cry.'

kylo is totally focused on listening to hux’s thoughts now cause it's very unexpected. hux’s face hasn't changed.

'why are they doing this to me? why can't they leave me alone? I just want to be left alone. please just leave me alone I know I can't do anything right, please

just stop.'

the voice in hux’s head is pleading and sounds like it's crying. hux’s face has hardly changed at all and kylo is absolutely fascinating at the different.

'I just want to be left alone. I'm trying, why can't they see that? I'm trying my hardest I really am I promise

I am I don't know why I can't do anything right either. please I'm doing my best, please stop, I know all of this you don't have to tell me I don't even want this I'm not strong or smart I just want everything to stop. that's the only reason I'm here, everything is so terrible.

I want it to not be terrible anymore. this is the only thing I know I'm trying I'm *trying* I don't like hearing this, it hurts, why does everyone always pick on me, no matter what I do it doesn't change I hate myself more any of you ever will I'm trying my hardest.'

kylo was always under the impression that hux had a fragile ego anx that's why he got defensive. apparently it's not cause he feels offended that people poke fun at him. it's cause it genuinely hurts hux’s feelings. he's not cursing them out or thinking about fighting back

now, he's just begging them to stop and begging himself not to cry over it.

hux is even more emotionally sensitive than kylo had assumed then. the voice in his head sounds like it's crying.

'please stop. please don't make fun of me anymore. please leave me alone. please stop."

kylo doesn't necessarily feel bad for him yet but he's curious so he spends the next week listening in on hux’s thoughts and comes to the conclusion that hux should probably get a therapist cause holy shit.

it's so negative and sad and self conscious all the time. he's always

scared and nervous and his automatic reaction to many things is to cry. he internalizes every little thing. he has a cat apparently but he also has weird guilt around having a cat because to him having a pet is a sign of weakness.

hux wishes he looked different and that he

could keep his shit together. he envies kylo for naturally being powerful and being able to gain respect. he's always exhausted from keeping a facade of being unshakeable when he's actually quite sensitive.

hux just looks even sadder and more pathetic in kylo’s eyes now. kylo

does feel a little bad for him. is this really how hux lives his life? kylo thought he was sensitive but he's nowhere near this level.

hux is the type of person who would probably own a flower shop or teach kids or work with orphaned kittens if he grew up in the new republic.

that is a very strange thing to recognize because hux is known to be absolutely fucking ruthless. he has and will definitely continue to kill his way to the top. he literally doesn't have any life goals outside of crushing the new republic. it's fucking weird for kylo.

kylo actually starts feeling bad for hux when he's spying in on hux again and hux is dreaming of a very specific memory. it's almost like kylo is there with hux as hux stares up at someone much larger at him that looks like hux.

kylo is taken aback at what he's hearing. if he

thought hux’s internal dialogue was negative then what the man on hux’s memory is saying is beyond negative. it's just screaming over and over calling hux stupid and useless, a waste of space and someone who will never amount to anything. then hux gets slapped so hard kylo is

pretty sure he can feel it.

it's all blurry after that and the only other part kylo catches before the dream shifts is hux lying on the floor watching the person leave. it's his father apparently.

he's lying on a carpet and kylo can feel hux remember that everything hurt and

his face feels wet and when he reaches up to wipe it away there's blood smeared all over his hand. kylo sees the size of hux’s hand and it becomes very clear that hux was a kid when this happened.

the blood almost seems to melt and then the dream shifts to hux trying to herd

a miniature pack of rainbow colored banthas out of his quarters. he's chasing after a red one. kylo sticks around out of curiosity and hux fails to get rid of said banthas before he's dreaming about a book series he's been reading. kylo loses interest and stops listening.

kylo can't think of hux being pathetic without seeing a child's hand covered in blood after that. it's fucking annoying cause kylo isn't here to pat hux’s head and be nice to him but the image isn't going away.

kylo is talking to hux once and hux stops responding. he looks

completely zoned out and he's just staring at kylo. kylo sneaks into his brain again and it's similar to the original dream kylo witnessed but it feels way more real.

hux is a kid again and he's got a hand in his hair as he's dragged somewhere. hux tugs away and his arm is

grabbed instead. hux pulls at it only to get his arm jerked bad hard enough his shoulder dislocates.

his head is grabbed again and slammed against a table four times until his ears are ringing. a kick straight to the jaw finishes it off. it knocks a tooth loose but he isn't that

distraught cause it's baby teeth still which means hux is under age 12 at least.

hux crawls to the refresher and squishes himself under the sink and bites down on his shirt. he's crying but his scream is muffled when he shoves his own shoulder back into place. his head

is spinning and there blood in his mouth before the door bangs open and kylo feels hux’s fear so viscerally it makes him nauseous. the flashback cuts off there.

kylo feels dizzy from how hard it feels like he's been shoved back into his body. hux looks like he back in the same

realm at kylo again.

"I'm sorry can you repeat the question?" hux voice is quiet and he's focused on kylo’s shoulders, avoiding his face.

hux looks visibly shaken so kylo doesn't get why hux ever thought he could hide it. he's paler than usual with sweat beading at his hairline

his hands are shaking and he's breathing faster.

kylo takes a peek into hux’s brain again and it's clear that hux is holding onto his composure by a thread. kylo is both amazed and disturbed by how hux shows little to no reaction despite the flashback.

"...it wasn't important.

I'll be leaving." kylo leaves as fast as possible. the second he closes hux’s office door hux’s brain goes haywire and it's so chaotic that kylo has to purposely shut hux out so he doesn't get a headache.

kylo feels somewhat guilty about using physical violence on hux now.

the more spying kylo does he begins to realize that nightmares or flashbacks aren't uncommon. they don't happen every day but there's enough of them that it stands out. kylo starts staying through all of them except one nightmare bad enough that kylo has to leave.

he can sense

hux feeling nothing but pure terror when he wakes up suddenly in his bed. part of kylo wants to float the words 'it's just a dream' into hux’s head.

kylo lays in bed. eventually hux screaming and crying on the other side of the ship makes kylo so uncomfortable he knocks hux out.

hux looks like absolute fucking shit the next day. kylo is honestly just impressed hux got out of bed and showed up. kylo doesn't know if he could have.

kylo sits at the head of the table while hux gets the most condescending lecture in the galaxy on professionalism and

personal upkeep of one's physical appearance from pryde.

it's harder and harder to drown out hux’s thoughts these days. kylo immediately latches onto them.

'I know. I know the regulations. I know the standards. it's your fault I'm like this. I wouldn't be like this without you.

you did this to me.'

kylo didn't know pryde and hux had any history. he's been staring at hux the whole time and hux catches his eye briefly.

'I'm sure ren thinks this is hilarious. I'm always the one asking him to dress like he didn't crawl out of a swamp.'

kylo almost laughs at that but he holds it back.

'if anyone would find this funny it would be ren.' hux sounds so bitter it's almost surprising. 'he brought pryde here. it must be nice to see his formal rival be the punching bag of the supreme council.'

hux takes another glance

at kylo. 'I wonder if all force users are as cruel as ren is or it it's just him. he's only a human being but he seems more like a monster.'

that takes kylo off guard. so far he hasn't heard hux comment on him whatsoever. kylo knows he has a penchant for violence but he

doesn't like the word monster. hux is right, he's just a human being.

hux gives kylo a longing look. 'he's eventually going to kill me anyway. I wish he'd hurry up. I'm tired.'

that's when kylo decides he can't stand listens to hux’s shit anymore. it's agitating him too now.

"I think we've all got the point allegiant general." kylo snaps. everyone immediately turns towards him.

pryde looks shocked for a brief moment before he schools his face into the snooty expression he usually has. "of course supreme leader." he gives hux a glare. "hopefully

armitage understands the importance of appearance now."

hux gives a glare back. 'hopefully I get to set your ass on fire some day.'

kylo can't help but let out a little snort at that. hux’s head snaps back to kylo again.

'that's funny to him too, huh.' hux’s inner voice is

small and sad. 'he used to be nice sometimes. I wish he still was.'

that definitely throws kylo off guard. he never thought he was nice to hux but then again hux seems to have a very different threshold as to what nice constitutes. that's almost the saddest part.

kylo’s not sure if his frequent intrusions into hux’s mind is the cause of it but now hux’s thoughts are audible regardless of whether or not kylo is trying to listen. it's like there's a link that's been formed, only one person doesn't know about it.

hux has mundane worries

like feeding his cat and then alarming ones like walking past an older officer while chanting 'there's people here, he can't kill me, he can't kill me'.

hux dissappears sometimes, to the point that even kylo couldn't find him. it's easier now. he has a series of hiding places

throughout the ship and he'll visit them occasionally.

hux is currently hiding in the 20th floor sector b storage closet 1. he's having another flashback. he had one earlier. today has been a bad day. kylo blocks him out for the rest of the day.

hux has a nightmare about

kylo a few nights later. kylo isn't paying attention because hux is dreaming about boring stuff but as soon as the dream changes to kylo, kylo notices.

they're in the throne room together. the kylo of hux’s dream is tossing hux around with the force. hux is in pain but

he's still conscious. kylo can hear the crack of bone as dream hux is flung around. he's dragged right up to the throne where dream kylo sits.

dream kylo isn't accurate. it's the first thing kylo notices. his skin isn't that smooth. kylo's real hair is rarely shiny and silky

looking like that.

his dream self has tighter robes, longer hair, and his eyes look pitch black even though kylo knows he has hazel eyes. his nose and ears look smaller in proportion too. his jawline is sharper. it's weird.

kylo gets torn away from the details when

dream hux flies towards dream kylo and is near instantly impaled on dream kylo’s lightsaber. kylo watches the light saber turn off and dream hux remains floating.

kylo doesn't know if he can ever describe the feeling of seeing the next thing that happens to anyone. it's

terrifying and funny at the same time.

dream kylo’s mouth opens and keeps opening. way belong what's humanely possible. kylo watched his dream self's head split open into what looks like a gaping maw. his dream self has longer limbs, they're stretching and hux seems smaller by

comparison.

his dream self has claws too now. before kylo felt who hux was dreaming of was him but the visual of dream kylo now is quite literally monstrous. hux still sees him as kylo ren. that's the strangest part. hux’s knowledge of who he is interacting with hasn't changed.

kylo refuses to identify with whatever hux has cooked up in his head anymore. the thing which it's been dubbed hooks his claws into the lightsaber wound in hux’s chest. dream hux screams as the thing literally cracks him open. it's gorey to the point that even kylo feels

a little sick.

the viscera inside hux is pulsing, almost squirming. it's shiny red and contracting over and over. dream hux has gone limp but he's still alive. the thing nabs an organ and swallows it. hux is dreaming about kylo turning into a monster and eating him alive.

kylo has never shut hux out faster. he hears hux scream as he jolts awake again but kylo shoves any trace of hux away so he can't hear any of it. when kylo goes to sleep that night he has the same dream in the same role. kylo wakes up sweating. he swears he can still taste blood.

kylo has no idea what the fuck he did but clearly spending this much time rooting around in hux’s brain was a terrible idea because hux is oh so helpfully sharing his nightmares with kylo too now.

they've both woken up in the middle of the night twice this week. hux hadn't slept

a wink after that so kylo stayed up too, unable to go to sleep as hard as he tried. at the end of the day kylo was fucking exhausted. he got three hours of sleep last night.

kylo gets two hours this time before he's awake again. screaming is still ringing in his ears and there's

so much blood everywhere. kylo is okay with blood. he's used to it. this is so bad kylo leans over the edge of his bed and dry heaves.

thank the maker kylo’s sleep isn't synced with hux’s this time. kylo can still hear hux crying heavily in hux's bed when he drifts off.